


At the End of the Line

by Mindswander



Category: The Avengers (2012), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Love/Hate, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-05 22:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mindswander/pseuds/Mindswander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A timeline is always in motion. Each decision, no matter how small, altering its fragile state. Places change, people too, although sometimes for the worse, and yet everything continues without pause. If Steve had known, could have predicted the future somehow, maybe, he thinks, maybe he could have stopped it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not a huge fan of that summary, but it'll have to do for now. Also this is actually the third installment in a series I started on fanfiction.net but I'm pretty sure you can read this one without the others if you want. I'll post those eventually. For now though there's this and I hope you enjoy it.

Thor is standing, eyes bright with happiness as snow flutters to the ground around his figure.

"This is much more pleasant than Jotunheim." Thor thrusts his hand out and lets a snowflake land in his palm, but it quickly melts. "Less hardy though."

Steve smiles and laughs. "You skin is too warm. Here." He turns his palm up toward the sky and catches one in his hand. He holds it out to Thor. "They are beautiful."

Thor grabs Steve's wrist bringing it closer to his face to inspect the caught item and Steve cannot help it as his pulse picks up. Just a simple touch, no matter the time they had been together, and his body responds with excitement.

The snowflake in his hand melts. "They are lovely," Thor says and brings Steve in for a kiss. When Thor lets him go and walks off into the deserted park, Steve smirks and creeps around the opposite direction Thor had taken. Jogging quietly he perches behind a bush and waits for Thor to approach.

Once within range, he launches himself at the God. Thor grunts as Steve slams into him, but merely staggers back a few paces before righting himself and looking at Steve eyebrows raised. "What was that might I ask?"

Steve's face heats. "I was trying to tackle you into the snow for fun, but you're too sturdy."

Thor looks to the snow drift behind him. Winter had come a bit early this year and left a bit over a foot of snow that had collected into large piles from the biting wind that swept through the landscape. Glancing back at Steve, Thor lets himself fall back into the snow behind him. Thor gazes upward, eyes playful. "Is this what you wanted?"

Steve beams at him before falling over Thor, knees braced on either side of his hips, hands on his chest. "Yes."

As they lay kissing in the snow, snow coming down around them, Steve is happy to just enjoy the closeness the two share. The kisses are slow, close mouthed, affection pouring through every caress and slide as their lips meet.

Sliding a hand up the broad chest, Steve brings a hand to the side of Thor's neck and the body below him shudders.

"You are freezing." Thor claps the wrist of the hand at his neck bringing it forward before sliding to hold Steve's hand. He kisses each knuckle making him shiver. "We must bring you back."

"No. I am perfectly happy right here." Steve burrows his face into the side of Thor's neck. Despite the heat below him and the monstrous jacket Thor insisted he wear, Steve is chilled. Everything about the cold disagrees with him.

"No you are not." Thor pauses. "And I am wet." Steve leans up then and stares into Thor's eyes. "I am warm, remember?"

Steve's eyes widen as he hops up and pulls Thor to his feet. Turning him around, Steve frowns as he gazes at Thor's backside. Thor is drenched, purple sweater (it is all anyone could get him to wear) and blue wash jeans darkened from the wet.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Steve admonishes him.

"We were enjoying ourselves."

"You'll get sick." Steve intertwines their fingers and pulls Thor along toward the tower.

"I will not, but I worry for you. You are too chilled."

"We'll be home soon enough," Steve says simply as they exit the park. The streets are deserted, the storm having put all activity on hold.

Thor presses a kiss to Steve's temple.

_Home_  Steve's mind sighs softly. That term is fast becoming all the more fitting.

When they arrive back at the tower and enter Thor's floor the rest of the team is perched on the couch watching a movie. As they others take in Thor's appearance, Tony and Bruce spring into action.

"Are you trying to kill him, Steve?" Tony touches the brittle fabric on Thor's back; the wetness had frozen as they had walked home. "Thor, go change out of those clothes."

Thor rolls his eyes, but obliges Tony as Steve strips off his winter jacket and throws it onto a chair.

A blanket slams into the side of Steve's head. "Why the hell did you go out in that?" Natasha, kneeling on the cushions, forearms on the back of the couch, is smirking at him.

"Thor wanted to see." Steve wraps the blanket around himself as Bruce nudges him around the couch to sit. As if by magic, a steaming mug appears in front of his face and he accepts it gratefully.

"Hot chocolate," Clint says with a roll of his shoulders and Steve chuckles into his cup. Clint likes to believe he does not care, has not been sucked in like the others, but Steve knows, with little gestures such as these, that it is apparent he is fond of him; fond of the whole team really.

Thor pads back into the room and another blanket arcs over the space into Thor's hands. "Wrap up big guy," Tony orders.

Thor grunts. "You have no need to be concerned. I will not—" Thor falls silent. Steve snorts knowing the looks he must he receiving and apparently has acquiesced too as he sets himself on the couch pressed to his side with his own cup of hot chocolate in hand.

Swaddled in blankets and sipping quietly from their mugs, the team looks on, smug, as Steve and Thor acclimate themselves back to room temperature.

When their cups are drained and the two place the empties into Bruce's waiting hands, Tony laughs. "See? Now was that so hard?"

Later, when Tony has finally badgered Thor enough that he stalks off to a hot shower, Steve bites his lip then addresses the room.

"Everything has been cleared with Director Fury." Steve recognizes the amusement on everyone's face from his barely restrained excitement.

"Calm down Cap. We haven't secured anything yet." Natasha rolls a piece hair behind thumb and forefinger before looking up at Steve. "You're firmly settled with plan B if plan A falls through aren't you?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just need to know you'll distract Thor for me when we all go Tony." Steve's hands are clasped between his knees, leaning toward Tony.

"Simmer down," Tony says as he holds his hands up. "But yes, I told you I would. I have a fun day planned for him." Tony's smile is all teeth and shark-like quality.

Steve frowns. "Tony—" He warns.

"Give me some credit. I know the man's taken. You just focus on bringing him the best birthday this side of Midgard."

"I can't believe we're doing this."

Steve shakes his head and leans back on the couch.

_We're going to Asgard._


	2. Chapter 2

"Steve stop fidgeting," Clint blurts, irritation coloring his tone.

"Sorry I'm…excited? Or maybe nervous. I can't really tell right now."

Clint purses his lips. "That's fine, just sit the fuck still."

Settling back in, the drive is silent once again as Steve watches the trees whiz past and blur together into a blob of green. Tony had thought it wise to go into the forest, far outside the city, to avoid attention, Thor's included.

Happy, Tony's driver, takes a sharp right and turns the car onto a practically invisible path between the sea of trees. The road is uneven and the team has to brace themselves through the twists and bumps that jostle them about the vehicle.

When they come to a stop Bruce instantly dives out and sucks in a deep breath. The air is crisp, almost beyond the touch of the city and its constant undercurrent of toxins that he can always just sense.

"Thanks Happy," Bruce says after a long exhale. He breathes deeper still as if trying to banish the city air from his lungs. "We should come out here more often."

Natasha and Clint's faces express their distaste at this idea. "I'm good," they say in unison.

"I'll come with you, Bruce. This is refreshing." Steve turns in a circle. The trees are all he can see and it's calming to be this far off; to be anonymous for a moment in a time where someone is always wanting something, demanding something of Captain America. More more more. He loves and prides himself on what he does of course, but now and again a break is needed.

"I will be back in three hours. Try not to be much later than that if you can help it." Happy slips back into the car and drives off kicking up dust in his wake.

"So how is this gonna work?" Clint's body is wrought with tension, eyes scanning the treeline in a wary fashion.

"Chill the fuck out Clint. If we go in there looking this tense they're going to think something's up," Natasha responds. She clamps a hand on his shoulder and squeezes roughly.

"We're not even armed." Clint is scowling now, but the lines of his body are more even, less poised for attack or defense.

"Doesn't matter. In a place like that, if they're all even a bit like Thor, we're screwed. We could cause a universal incident. Hell," she shifts her gaze to Steve. "Why are they even letting us go?"

Steve rocks back on his heels then forward to his toes, smile playing on his lips. "Fury trusts us not to do anything 'the universe might regret'. And I can be pretty convincing in a pinch."

Clint scoffs. "I'm sure, but really, how are we doing this? We can't just show up, God knows where up there, and hope for the best." Natasha and Bruce nod in agreement.

"We're not going in blind…completely. We have Heimdall."

"Heimdall?" Bruce questions.

"He's another Asgardian. Thor told me he can see across time and space, and watches Earth especially for him. I guess he favors him so I figured that would be our best bet."

"You figured?" Clint's rigid posture chances a comeback until Natasha splays a hand between his shoulder blades.

"Yes…but if what Thor says is true, and why would he lie, Heimdall is watching us right now," Steve grimaces, "and knows we're not coming to start up a war." Steve's face flushes slightly at the notion that in having to explain this to his teammates, his friends, Heimdall is watching and taking in the wretched, no doubt severe underestimation of his abilities.

Clint turns his eyes to the sky and salutes. "Hey there, big guy."

"Clint!" Natasha hisses.

"I'm being friendly," Clint says, but restrains himself from saying more as Natasha grits her teeth by his side.

Steve mutters under his breath and fixes the archer with a disapproving look. The whole situation is less than ideal as it is without Clint mouthing off to someone they have not even met yet.

Sighing, Steve turns his face toward the sky. "Heimdall, I figure you're watching us right now and we're going to come, without Thor, momentarily. Look out for us. I'd really like to return to Earth in one piece and I'm sure Thor would appreciate it too." Steve rubs the back of his neck after his attempt at levity; everything is suddenly much more daunting with his own fears voiced by Clint and the notion of actually going hanging in the air around them.

Steve adjusts the transport device in his arms and grips one handle, holding the other out to Clint. Clint grips the other side as Natasha lays a hand on his shoulder and Bruce lays a hand on Steve's.

"Let's get this show on the road." Clint twists the cool metal under his grasp and the four disappear in a pulse of blue light.

When they arrive in Asgard, they all stagger about, until hands are on knees, each gasping and trying to force back the nausea in their bodies.

"I'm going to retch all over this pretty little walkway," Clint groans.

"That is not wise," a voice rumbles. They all freeze caught off guard by this extra presence before swinging their eyes farther along the bridge, mindful not to look too closely at the yawning blackness surrounding them off either edge.

The man, the Asgardian, looming in front of them, all hard lines and huge bodied, is clothed in glittering gold armor. His face, grim and inscrutable, is set off by luminous honey colored eyes and Steve's body shudders violently under the heavy gaze when it settles on him. His past, present, future, damning him, saving him, as the gaze skirts over his body. When it leaves him he sighs, but sees each of his teammates tense up as they are subjected to the same scrutiny.

"Heimdall?" Steve questions when the enigmatic figure stares especially long at Clint.

Heimdall's gaze swings back to him and Steve straightens up to his full height though the urge to cower, to bow at his feet is almost unbearable.

Steve cannot perceive a single emotion on the face before him as the Asgardian chooses not respond immediately. The waves of anxiety floating off his teammates is cloying; it breaks over his senses and clouds his mind as he tries to hold it, and them, together.

"You should not have come." The voice makes them all curl into themselves, intelligence and vast knowledge seeps through his intonations and its depth.

"But yes, I am Heimdall." This sentence, much different than the last, washes over the four with a soft vibration that calms them just a fraction.

"You are Thor's companions," he eyes each of them in kind before settling his stare on Steve. "His lover," he finishes. Steve never knew the word could sound so heavy, so laced with layers of meaning; a threat, knowledge of everything and anything, a touch of happiness. Steve does not know what to make of it.

"You know our purpose then," Steve says as he finds his voice.

Steve manages to keep his face blank, though his body is alert with surprise, when a ghost of a smile flits across the Asgardian's features.

"I shall take you," Heimdall states before turning his back to the group.  _We are clearly no threat in his mind._

Trailing behind him, the four make their way over the suspended shimmering bridge and approach the vast world before them. It is breathtaking and the team's eyes shift and slide down the curves and slopes of the emerging palace. It is so much better and so much more alien than Thor ever described.

Entering a hall, Clint clears his throat awkwardly before he speaks. "I'm sorry about before." It sounds strangely meek for the often highly sarcastic and strong willed archer.

"Think nothing of it," Heimdall answers, voice echoing around them.

Clint seems to find more of his courage. "Thor is going easy on us, isn't he?"

Heimdall slows his pace, allowing the others to catch up before displacing Steve to his left and staring at Clint on his right. "'Easy on you'?" he repeats. It sounds much less playful coming from his lips.

"Yeah, err, well there's you," Clint's laughter is a touch higher than normal, "And you're you…with that 1000 yard, 1 million yard stare, and then there's Thor, all boyish charm and enthusiasm. I was just wondering, if you know, he…" Clint shrugs as he trails off.

Heimdall fixes his eyes to the front again and guides the group to the right and down a larger more ornate hall with massive doors at the end.

"He can be imposing if he wishes."

They have to come to a stop as Heimdall halts in front of the doors; the two guards posted on either side of the expanse do not even glance in their direction.

"What's happening now?" Clint is fully in control of himself once again, the conversation with Heimdall having coaxed him back to equilibrium.

"You will meet with the king."

Clint laughs breathily. "Oh goody." 


	3. Chapter 3

The ground below them rumbles as the doors begin to open and Heimdall moves from their path. "You may enter."

Reluctantly, the group forges ahead and crosses into the throne room, hearts in their throats. At the farthest end, upon a set of steps, sits Odin, eye boring into the approaching humans.

Unsure of when to stop, the nervous companions continue to shuffle forward. "Halt," a guard commands and they stop in place. Steve feels the air behind him shift and then he is thrust forward onto his hands and knees when Natasha kicks his legs out from under him. "Kneel!" she hisses. He's irritated that she's made him look like a fool, but as he pulls himself up to one knee and looks to Odin, a surge of gratitude floods his body.

Kneeling and peering from under their lashes, Clint, Bruce, Natasha, and Steve wait for any sign of what to do from the Asgardian king. He has said nothing, moved not an inch and they are restless.

Odin solely stares them down, substantial gaze holding them in their positions until a fair lady to Odin's right lays a hand on his shoulder. The king takes a deep breath. "Speak and state your case."

Steve raises his head from its bowed state. "King Odin sir. I, we, have come here with a request."

Odin nods once and Steve takes that as a cue to continue. "It's Thor's birthday today and well we wanted to give him a good present. It just seemed appropriate to bring him something from home that he would appreciate more because I guess Asgardians live long lives and birthdays are not as important…here." Steve clamps his mouth shut when Odin narrows his eye at him.

"What are you asking for Steve Rogers?" Steve swallows a lump in his throat.

"We would like to bring Sif and the Warriors Three: Volstagg, Fandral and Hogun back to Earth, Midgard to visit." Steve stumbles over each name, their foreign quality tying his tongue.

"What has compelled you to believe that I would grant such a large request to you and your group?"

Steve holds his breathe, hesitant to answer the question with the truth. He loves Thor and wishes to make him happy as much as the Asgardian tries to in return, but he is unsure of how Odin will react in explaining the nature of their relationship.  _Heimdall knows_ ,  _but perhaps the king does not? Does it matter if he does?_

"I-"

"Excuse me, Captain Rogers. Odin?" Natasha cuts in and he turns his gaze to her.

"Lady Romanov." Steve frowns slightly at the minute change in Odin's voice. It's less harsh and demanding.

"Odin, sire, your highness," Natasha waffles between which name to use and the corner of Odin's mouth twitches.

"King Odin, your son Thor has done much for us and we want to show our appreciation to him. He has not been back here in a long while by Midgardian standards at least and it would be nice, if you shall grant us this, to bring him a piece of home."

Odin stares at her when she ceases speaking, but Natasha holds his gaze, confidence and stubbornness shining through. The Asgardian king leans to his left and whispers into a guard's ear. He quickly scuttles off.

"I will consider your request Lady Romanov, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton." As he says their names he turns his eye to each individual before settling on Steve, mouth set in a grim line.

"Exit my chambers and wait for my decision." His tone is final and leaves no room for argument.

Rising from their knees, they each bow once before hustling out of the room, doors closing with a resounding boom behind them. Heimdall is exactly where they left him.

"So he's an intimidating fellow, huh?" Clint quips when no one speaks after a few minutes.

"He is the king," Bruce and Heimdall say simultaneously. The group lets out a set of anxious giggles and Heimdall's eyes shine in amusement though his face remains otherwise unchanged.

"I had no idea all kings were so stoic, but maybe it's just us. Does Odin not like humans?" Clint questions.

Heimdall seems to consider his answer before responding. "He has no particular dislike for Midgardians although there are those," Heimdall is watching Steve now, "that have inspired Odin's displeasure. But it is no matter, Odin is a peaceful ruler." Steve frowns.

Heimdall turns his head toward the large doors. "The king requests your presence once more."

Steve hears Bruce sigh as he leads them back into the king's throne room where four extra figures are clustered to their right this time.

They kneel.

"I have considered your request, young Midgardians, and I shall grant you this favor just this once. Do not ask me for such things in the future." Steve is positively elated though he keeps his expression neutral.

"Lady Romanov please rise." Natasha's eyebrows shoot up, but she does as instructed.

"This is Volstagg, Fandral, Hogun and Lady Sif." Each of the warriors bow slightly at the mention of their name. "I trust you keep tabs on their whereabouts and assure they are returned to our realm by 9pm Midgardian time tomorrow." Steve furrows his brow in his confusion as Odin has clearly chosen Natasha to trust and not himself, the leader of the avengers. Being in no position to question it however, he accepts it in silence.

"Yes King Odin." She bows.

"Good, now be off and you four," the Asgardian warriors face their king, "do not cause any trouble for them."

"Of course," they bow and eight of them stride out, doors closing behind them once again.

Out of the king's sight Lady Sif fixes the humans with an exuberant smile. "You are taking us to visit Thor?"

"Yep," Clint says as he sizes the warriors up. "Happy happy birthday to him, but how are we going to hide you?"

Steve laughs. "I don't think that's possible per say, but Tony will keep Thor busy until we're ready for the reveal. Do you all mind being quiet for a minute or two so we can surprise him?"

"Not at all," Fandral answers. "We have missed Thor and this will be a great surprise."

Heimdall, who was silent through his exchange, steps in front of the group. "I will lead you to the end of the bifrost. Happy is waiting for you."

Clint's eyes widen. "If I had your sight…" He shakes his head in amazement.

The walk back to the bifrost seems shorter than the walk into the palace as the group comes to a stop and lines up with hands on each other's shoulders. Steve and Clint grasp each end of the transport device.

"Safe travels," Heimdall's deep voice rumbles. "Barton," Clint's gaze turns curious. "You are talented for a Midgardian."

Clint smiles as Steve twists the handle.

* * *

"We have been out all day Stark and it is four pm already. Where are the rest of our friends?" Thor questions. While he appreciated and immensely enjoyed the activities he had been involved in this day, if his friends insist he must celebrate his birthday, he wishes to spend the time with all of them.

"They'll be here shortly, but in the meantime go see your boyfriend. He's hanging out on your floor." Tony chuckles as Thor's face brightens with youthful excitement.

"That is a wonderful idea. Thank you for the day Tony!" Thor calls over his shoulder as he walks quickly, rushes really, toward the stairs and climbs them two at a time.

Reaching his floor, Thor pushes the door open. "Steve!"

"I'm in the living room." Thor smiles and pads down the hallway. Scanning the room he sees no one there. "Steve?"

Warm arms wrap around his middle, hot breath fanning over the back of his neck. "I'm right here."

Thor extends his arms backwards and pulls the captain closer.

Steve places a kiss between his shoulder blades. "Happy birthday," he whispers.

They stay like this, wrapped in a loving embrace, until Steve props a head on Thor's shoulder. "I need you to close your eyes."

"Alright." Thor's eyes flutter shut, but Steve puts his hands over them anyway. Eyelashes tickle his palm when Thor hears the telltale chime of the elevator bells and multiple sets of feet walk into the room.

"What is going on?" He asks, voice laced with confusion and Steve removes his hands.

Steve feels, and hears, Thor's sharp intake of breath as he gasps. "My friends!" He exclaims.

"Surprise," his teammates yell back. "Happy birthday!"

Thor's grin practically splits his face before he spins and lifts Steve from the floor into a fierce kiss. "Thank you," he mumbles onto his lips before pulling away.

Steve laughs, cheeks pink, and pushes Thor toward his friends. "Go say hello."

Thor beams at him and ambushes the warriors, glomming onto them, wrapping thick arms around their necks. "It is good to see you!"

Steve, hands on his hips, smirks as the voices blend into a cacophony of pleased tones and foreign languages.  _He's so happy._

The warmth in his chest is pleasant, but intensifies as Thor locks eyes with him in the midst of his excitement.

"Thank you," he mouths and Steve cannot contain his true grin any longer.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve is pleased with how everything is turning out.

When Thor finished roughing up his friends in hello, Tony somehow coerced everyone into a rousing game of Never Have I Ever (we may be adults, but that doesn't mean we can't have stupid amounts of fun and what better way is there to get to know one another?). Steve, of course, was not shocked to find that he, in fact, never ever had done anything, but the rest of his teammates…they had done almost everything. He blushed madly when Tony, Natasha, Clint  _and_  Thor all admitted to having had sex with more than one partner at one time; Thor's saucy wink at him certainly did not help in those matters either. And the way Tony (and Bruce) looked at the thunder god afterward…well, Steve was not overly fond of that.

But Steve, through some well-placed coaxing, was eventually able to lure the group away from that game to have the Asgardian warriors show off their different talents to his team and vice versa. Despite initial disbelief, the warriors three and Sif, to Steve's eyes, seemed impressed with his team and himself.

Soon enough however, the displays died down and they settled into how they were at this moment, spread out on the gym floor in little groups talking to one another. Steve, in particular, found himself invested in trying to understand what Tony and Bruce were explaining to Hogun (a man of very few words) and Sif, but he was hopelessly lost with the technical jargon that the two always insisted on using. For their part, Sif and Hogun nodded occasionally, eyes curious, seemingly invested in the conversation; whether they understood what they were being told or not, Steve had not a clue, but he had had enough.

Frustrated, he spins himself around to face the other group; Clint, Natasha, Fandral, and Thor. Volstagg merely lays on the floor near Steve's side munching on the grapes Tony had thrown at him.

"…and that's how I met the rest of them," Clint finishes. "It's very different than how the rest of them got to know one another though. I hear Cap, Tony, and Thor leveled a forest when they first came into contact, but at least they draw even in terms of abilities. It would have been unfortunate if they destroyed each other."

Fandral throws his head back in laughter. "Draw even, my friend?" Fandral chuckles. "Hardly, I would think. Thor is…"

"Fandral." Thor's voice is not loud, but the warning is clear; Fandral's face registers surprise.

"What? I merely want to tell them that they are…"

"Fandral, please." Though it is phrased much like a plea, Steve is taken aback by the tone which mirrors the one he heard in Odin's voice.  _He is to be king one day._

Fandral rolls his eyes. "They are not modest about their abilities so why should you be? You have changed, my friend."

"Fandral," Volstagg grunts. "Must you be like that?"

"Be like what? All I say is true, you know this. Honestly, I almost would not recognize him if not for his face. You used to be so bold."

"And it often lead us into trouble, did it not?"

"It was fun." Fandral's smile is wistful.

"Oh come now, Fandral," Sif says, evidently exasperated. "Do you not remember Thor being cast out by Odin?" Steve frowns and looks to Thor, but the man is merely staring at the floor, look of consternation on his face. "Is it not better to have the man who is to be king be less quick to anger, less brash, more modest, and level headed? I believe it is."

Tony crawls up to the circle and flops onto his stomach. "Cast out? I've read your file Thor and I don't remember any casting out being a part of the tale."

Thor smiles wryly and looks to Tony. "It was not one of my finer moments. I almost caused a war between realms."

"Do tell."

"It is a story for another time. It is my birthday and I wish to celebrate."

Tony turns the watch on his wrist. "Your birthday ended an hour ago."

"Do not be difficult," Thor cautions, but he is smiling.

Steve glances at his other teammates and has to inwardly sigh. The topic may have changed, but Clint and Natasha are dogged in their pursuit to get what they want, and they clearly want to know what Fandral was trying to tell them. It is not that Steve doesn't want to know too, but knows he will be a little less in his face about it.  _This will be a problem._

"Fine." Tony taps his chin. "How about we make like frat boys and play some flip cup and beer pong?"

"Frat boys?" Steve questions.

"Flip cup? Beer pong?" Sif asks.

Tony turns his head to look at her. "Yeah yeah. It's really simple and competitive. I figure you warrior types would like it."

Next to Steve, Volstagg stands to his full height. "I am up for a challenge."

Tony's smile is all mischief. "Excellent."

* * *

Everyone is sprawled across the floor in various states of exhaustion and drunkenness. Sif, though she does not operate by Midgardian time, is aware that it is very late and even she is waning in alertness when she checks in on the group. Hogun is flat on his back, as is Volstagg, but from where she sits she cannot tell if they are asleep, passed out or merely laying still. Fandral, head propped on a hand, is chatting with Tony and Bruce, the latter of which is laying with his head on Tony's chest. Sif smiles softly.

Clint and Natasha, a small ways off from the others, are stretched out lying face to face and talking in hushed tones. Sif recognizes the strong bond and camaraderie between the two, much like herself and Thor, though she wishes it was more in moments.

Finally Sif looks to Thor and Steve and her smile grows. Steve, who Thor had convinced to lean into him, is curled up on Thor's crossed legs, hand tucked under his head and fast asleep. The sweet smile on Thor's face as he gazes down at Steve makes Sif's heart sting, but she cannot fault him for it. She has never seen him look at anyone this way, not even Jane; a relationship that had ended amicably sometime prior to this according to Thor.

Sif sits quietly just observing the two. Thor's fingers swipe lightly over Steve's jaw, his cheekbone, his nose and back again until he is carding his hand through his hair. Sif's smile falters.

Thor, perceptive as always to her emotions, looks up at her, concern lacing his features. "Are you alright?"

Sif casts her eyes to the floor, but Thor grips her chin and makes her look to him again. "I am worried for you, Sif. What is the matter?" He releases her.

She runs a hand through her raven hair. "Thor…I loathe being the one to tell you this, but Odin wants you to return to Asgard."

The way his face crumples makes Sif reach to squeeze Thor's free hand. "When am I to return?"

"Tomorrow with us."

"That is hardly any notice. Did he tell you for what purpose or for how long?" Thor's grip on her hand is hard, but his face has smoothed into a neutral mask.  _It is to hide from his earth companions._

"No and I am sorry for it. I know you do not wish to leave them," she looks at Steve in his slumber, "to leave him." Thor gazes down on him too with a fond smile touched with sadness.

"You will return soon Thor. There is no need to worry." Sif tries for optimism.

Thor smiles at her, gathers Steve's body in his arms and stands with such grace and ease that Steve does not even stir.  _He really has changed._

Sif stands too. "I am going to retire now Sif. I am…exhausted."

She smiles sadly. "Good night, Thor" she says softly.

Thor walks off, but is not able to escape before Tony pipes up. "He's going to kill for that I hope you know."

Thor arches his eyebrow. "It is my birthday."

"That's not going to save you." Bruce lightly shoves Tony's arm.

"Good night Tony. My friends." Thor calls in soft tones as he begins to walk again.

* * *

Thor lays Steve's body on their bed, tucking the sheets up to his chin before divesting himself of his shirt and pants. He crawls across the bed and presses himself to Steve's back, face buried in his hair.

Thor, breathing shakily, wraps an arm around Steve and wedges him even closer to his body.

"I love you," he murmurs.

* * *

Natasha is irritated, pissed even, that Thor looks so damn sad. She gets it, she really does. His lifelong friends are leaving soon and that sucks, but honestly, hovering at the edge of your own party like a specter is the last thing he should be doing. He should be enjoying the time he has.

She has had enough.

"Thor," she says sharply. "What is your problem?" She's not going to mince words.

Thor looks disgruntled before a crushing sadness passes through his eyes and Natasha winces just a little.

He inhales deeply. "I was not going to tell you all yet." It is clear he is only addressing the avengers now. "But I guess now is as good a time as any. I…I have to go back to Asgard." Natasha sees Steve's hand tighten in Thor's grip.

"For how long?" he asks. His heart is laid bare in his eyes.

Thor presses his forehead to Steve's. "I do not know."

It's like the air has been sucked out of the room leaving a strange discomfort behind.

* * *

Natasha has to give him credit.

Though Thor was the one acting strange initially, he immediately started compensating for this behavior when the others' mood dropped off. Not even Sif and the warriors three seemed pleased or able to hold up their mood quite as well anymore. Luckily for Thor, and the sake of Natasha's sanity, Tony kept up with the Thunder God, feeding off the upbeat energy he was trying to portray.

Until now, here in the woods.

And Natasha regrets saying anything. The dark burden in the back of her mind, where all her previous failures lie, struggles and claws for the surface, gaining some purchase from her current regret as it is always wont to do.  _So much red._

But she ignores it and instead latches onto the feeling of being a voyeur in witnessing Steve and Thor's goodbye.

There is no space between their bodies as Steve presses against Thor. Sadness is written all over his face, in his pleading eyes, though part of him is resigned to this; an unexpected departure with an unknown return date.

Thor kisses him and Steve kisses back tangling his fingers in Thor's hair, more demonstrative with Thor now than he has ever been, and in front of people he does not really know no less.

And yet Natasha knows without hearing him say it that he doesn't care because his heart is leaving him, shyness and modesty be damned.

They are a tangle of limbs and lingering kisses and Thor has to practically pry Steve off. He holds Steve's face in his hands as their eyes search one another, and Natasha wants to look away _, love is for children_ , but she can't. Everyone's eyes are on them. It's not possible to look anywhere else.

Steve closes his fists around the material of Thor's shirt. "I—" love you. Natasha can hear the end of the sentence bouncing around her skull even when Thor doesn't let him finish by silencing him with a kiss. Thor hugs Steve fiercely when he pulls back and Natasha knows her own bones would crack under the force if he tried such a thing with her.

Thor dislodges himself from Steve's arms and lays a hand on his chest. "Goodbye, Steve. I will see you soon."

This is too much.  _This could be a goodbye for a day, hell maybe a week. Why are we dramatizing this?_

Natasha watches as Thor makes his rounds to everyone else; big hugs (Clint takes his begrudgingly, almost trying to duck out from Thor's arms before surrendering) with hushed goodbyes and assurances of seeing them soon until he gets to her.

Natasha peers up at him as he seems to consider her for a moment before swooping down and lifting her into a hug. She cannot quite stop the little noise of indignation in her throat before hugging him back tentatively. She doesn't exactly do grand displays of affection.

Thor turns his head so that his mouth is by her ear. "Look out for him," he whispers then sets her down. Natasha does not even have to ask who him is. It's obvious.

_Look out for him? Are you asking me to protect him? The super soldier? Really_? She questions with her eyes as Thor gazes upon her.

His eyes say it all.

A lump of dread settles in her stomach though she doesn't let it show on her face.  _He doesn't think he's coming back soon…or at all. Why?_

Thor smiles at her as if he knows she gets it before wandering over to Steve again and kissing him one last time. He walks over to his Asgardian friends and Sif hands him one end of the transport device.

"It was great to meet you all," Fandral says. "I hope we have the privilege of spending time with you again soon." The other warriors nod in agreement.

"Goodbye, my friends," Thor says though he is only looking at Steve.

The split second before he turns the handle, he makes eye contact with Natasha and then he's gone in a flash of light.


	5. Chapter 5

Steve is convinced that the moment Thor left Earth a beacon went out to alert everyone that The Avengers were down one member. Trouble came in wave after wave; nothing like it had been with Loki and the Chintauri of course, but still difficult and sometimes very dangerous.

Like today, they fought a man that was a would be super villain, if he could get his act together. His robots were impressive, but relatively faulty. Steve was evidence of that, covered in black soot after one of the bots ended itself in a malfunction when he was nearby.

"Is that enough, sir?" Steve is the last of his teammates in the boardroom debriefing with Fury after the incident. He always is, captain instincts taking over responsibility so that his teammates can go rest. They need it more than him.

"Yes, Captain. Good work today." Fury doesn't even looking up as he scribbles notes into his black binder (he's old school he told him once).

Steve rises and arches his back with a small smile. "I hardly did anything. The situation practically resolved itself."

Steve sees him smirk. "I suppose that's true, but nonetheless good work."

Steve nods briskly though Fury does not see. "May I be excused sir?" Steve still is not completely trusting of Fury or S.H.I.E.L.D. and thinks he never really will be again, but he will still be respectful.

"Of course, Captain." He waves him away, still without a glance in Steve's direction.

Stretching one more time, Steve walks to the door and just as he's about to cross the threshold of the doorway, the director's voice stops him. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Steve answers automatically. There's not even a scratch on him, only a thick layer of grime that makes his skin itch. He turns back to look at the man at the table and his heart plummets. Fury is not asking about his physical wellbeing, that much is clear. Sympathy overlays cool calculation as he gazes at the captain.

"…I'm fine," Steve repeats hoarsely. The sheer effort it takes to force out the words makes his throat hurt. When Fury doesn't look away Steve turns and leaves for the elevator, thankful once again that debriefings tended to be conducted here.

Steve manages to make it back to his floor and robotically stripes off his Captain America suit by the doors. Letting himself being unfeeling, unthinking, he walks into the bedroom (actively avoiding the bed with his eyes) to the main bathroom and cranks the hot water up for a shower. There he grips the cool porcelain of the sink behind him as his body tries to come undone, heart stuttering in his chest.

He does not know how long he stands like this, desperately clinging to the semblance of normalcy he's created for himself, but when he opens his eyes thins wisps of steam float about the room.

Releasing the counter, he steps into the stream of water and lets out a grateful sigh. The water relaxes some of the tension in his body as he washes his hair, nails scratching his scalp before letting the water slip over his head sending suds and dirt over his face. Steve flexes and rolls his shoulders then reaches for the body wash. He suds up a washcloth and vigorously runs it over his body, all sharp efficiency as he feels sleepiness set in. He rinses then shuts off the water.

Opening the shower curtain, Steve grabs a fluffy blue towel,  _almost like Thor's eyes_ , and dries himself, yawning widely before walking to the dresser to select a pair of boxers and night pants. Going back into the bathroom Steve hangs the towel back over the rod before heading out and climbing into bed. Automatically he scoots over to Thor's side, burying his face in the pillow hoping, stupidly, that his scent will have someone returned to it. He does not know if the others are aware he continues to stay up here, his floor altogether mostly abandoned, but he can't bring himself to care. This is the only trace of Thor he has left.

Though his eyes sting, tears do not come.

It has been 2 months and 16 days.

* * *

Steve can feel his grip start to give way on his shield and reluctantly shifts it to his other less injured arm, baring his teeth in the process to suppress a hiss. Bloody finger prints skirt the edges of his shield, marring its shiny surface and Steve frowns as he stares at them while testing the weight of it in this arm. Steve's nostrils flare as he realizes that even now he won't be able to truly lift it to defend his teammates if the need arises. He keeps his face neutral however as he scans the area around them to make sure nothing is hiding in the ruins of the streets.

Gentle plip-plops bring him back from his vigilance and he looks down. Red streams are flowing slowly from where his upper arm and shoulder have been torn open, rivulets coalescing at his finger tips then dripping onto the uneven ground. Adrenaline, he knows, is the only thing keeping him going right now; bone deep exhaustion is waiting just over his shoulder, waiting to pull him under the moment he gives an inch.

Steve distracts himself from this by looking to his teammates, but is dismayed by the sight. Clint's one arm hangs by his side, completely useless, his face coated with blood, open cuts dribbling, as he uses the other to cradle Natasha. His hand is pressed to the wound across her stomach though blood still leaks around his fingers. Natasha, ever stubborn, is not showing her pain, but she's pale, paler than Steve would like and her mouth is set in a grim line. Steve bounces his eyes to Tony and sees how injured he is too. It must be his labored breathes he hears over their com system and he cannot stop the wince as he sees that one half of the iron man suit is concave against Tony's chest; his arms too are covered in scrapes from when he was forced to ditch each of the metal covers when they were damaged.

"The medivac is on its way guys, just sit tight," Steve's voice is confident.

He hears Tony try to chuckle, the noise breaking off into a wheeze then a low hiss. "Our baby super villain really did a number on us, you included Captain, so don't pull the soldier voice on us. We know how we look."

Steve doesn't know how to respond to that so he doesn't and neither do the others as they fall into a silence punctuated by labored breathing.

Rocks crunch under foot and Steve startles, almost as if he'd forgotten the Hulk was there, and watches as the large green man rises to his feet. The Hulk's eyebrows are pulled down, mouth set in a definite pout as he stares at the broken street beneath him.

The Hulk looks up at Steve. "Hulk misses Thor," he grunts and Steve hears the sharp intake of breath from the group around him.

He looks to their faces; they're all too tight like fabric made to stretch too far, seams pulling and fraying at the edges and...Steve will not do this.

He  _can't_  do this, not now, and turns away, blinking rapidly, toward the distinct sound of the medivac humming in the distance.

Steve swallows the bitter taste in his mouth around the boulder that has settled in his throat as he goes to sit down.

Leave it to the Hulk to pull on the strand to unravel them all.

_5 months 13 days._

* * *

Steve punches gingerly at the bag before him. It has been a little over a week since the fight and Steve's one arm is still particularly sore where a raised angry scar starts at the front of his shoulder and loops around to his back, jagged at the edges and tender to the touch. Not even his enhanced body has been able to recover from this yet.

"The doctors wouldn't like this," Clint says as he comes around into Steve's line of vision. He looks better, cuts scabbed over, but his arm is still in a sling and it clearly irritates him. He makes no move to hide his displeasure either with a scowl always present on his face even when he's engaged in conversations with his teammates.

"They don't have to know," he responds with a smile.

Clint huffs out a breath, amusement in his eyes, before it seems to collapse in on itself; he seems cold now, calculating, and Steve shifts in discomfort.

"I let it slide. You were in Captain America mode, not Steve Rogers, so I didn't think anything of it." Clint's voice is casual, but Steve can feel the slide of a darker undercurrent that immediately sets him on edge.

"What do you mean Clint?" Steve asks cautiously.

"I don't understand how I got here." Steve is baffled by the turn in conversation.

"Clint, I don't—"

"Natasha I understand. We have history. But you all...I don't get. It's like one day I woke up and you were there and now you won't go. Loyalty I was willing to give, this I wasn't."

Steve feels like he's talking in riddles and the ground seems uneven; this is territory he has never crossed with him and he does not even know what it is that they're really talking about.

"Clint really—"

"Have you let yourself feel it, Steve?"  _He almost never calls me Steve._

"Feel what?"

"He might never come back, you know. Maybe he's been married off to some pretty little Asgardian or he could be dead. We all think he's immortal, but we've never asked him, have we? I don't think we have."

Steve almost doesn't realize he has two hands fisted in the front of Clint's shirt until a hand encircles his wrist. He stares down at Clint who merely looks back with calm eyes and he lets him go. "Why would you say that?" His voice is only but a whisper.

"Because it's true." Steve shakes his head. "Yes, Steve, it is." Steve has a hand over his chest, face scrunched up.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"It's not like that Steve. I'm only helping you because you're not dealing with it. As it is, I honestly cannot believe that I'm down here…doing this. It makes me want to scream, but I…you're not dealing with Thor leaving. You saw all of us falling apart in the only way we, the emotionally stunted, know how and yet you were fine. I gave you the benefit of the doubt in the moment, but then the more I laid there, the more my mind wouldn't shut up so I did some investigating." Clint is staring hard. "Have you let yourself feel it?" he repeats.

Steve's gaze is unwavering. "Every single day."

Clint pinches the bridge of his nose. "No. I mean have you acknowledged it? Missing him and acknowledging that he's gone, maybe indefinitely, are two different things. Don't you think he would have come when we were doing so awfully if he was going to come back? Heimdall would have—"

"Clint! What the hell!" Tony growls and stalks over to the two of them with Bruce in tow.

Clint shrugs one shoulder. "I was trying to help him."

"By doing that?" Bruce sounds incredulous.

"I really was trying to help." Clint swallows audibly. "I didn't say I was good at this..." He trails off and Steve doesn't get why they're staring at him like that. Why Bruce looks so concerned, why Tony is frowning, why Clint looks horribly guilty, but knowing.

A tear drips from his chin onto his chest and that's when Steve realizes he's crying. He doesn't know when he started, but they make his vision swim. He scrubs at his eyes, but he can't get them to stop.

"I'm f—"Steve is cut off as a broken sob erupts from his chest, and for one horrible second, he hates Clint for this before he completely folds in on himself.

Chest heaving, Steve tries to breathe through the staccato rhythm of his reeling body; his arms wrap around his middle in attempt to hold himself together. But it doesn't seem to to matter. All of his resolve is gone now, lost in a flash like his former body, and it hurts. The weight of time passed presses down on him as everything flares hot and burns more than the cool steel that bit into his shoulder. _What has happened to Thor? This isn't right. Where is...why can't...won't he...?_

Somehow,through all this, he feels himself guided to one of the benches in the training area. He has to shift one hand to cover his mouth to stop the flow of broken sounds where he formerly had been quiet after his initial break.

_Thor, where are you?_

Steve is wrecked and a sob escapes despite his best attempts to stifle them.

A hand, warm but utterly unlike Thor, starts at the base of his neck and trails down the expanse of his back.

It's gone.

Then it's there again, movement repeated over and over and over.

Steve fights to focus on soothing touch and Tony and Bruce pressed in to both of his sides; Clint perched at his feet.

This is why he did not do it, did not cry. Breaking down and letting himself know the loss makes it real.

_It's too real._

Thor could have only been a gone a day or two and it would have been silly to cry so he did not. But then days dragged into weeks and weeks spun into months and then it was too late. Steve could not let himself go. He had to protect his team and Thor was coming back, he was sure of it. But then Clint, trying to be helpful and Steve could not really fault him for it, he had laid all his fears bare, stripped him of the unintentional walls he'd built so carelessly with an ease only those he cared about could.

Bitter sadness traces icy fingers up his spine.

His chest hitches and he cannot seem to catch his breath as he wraps his arms around his middle again.

5 months, 22 days, 5 hours, 37 minutes.

And Steve has hated every single second of it.


	6. Chapter 6

Tony hates the pinched expression on Steve's face. It's the first snowfall of the season and it's early…again. Halloween isn't even here yet, but even now, almost a year removed from Thor leaving and sometimes Steve just isn't himself.

Like now.

There's hardly any snow really, just a few inches, but its good packing snow and Tony scoops some into a ball before aiming and throwing it at Steve where it lands with a wet plop on his neck. Steve scowls as he turns to Tony.

"Oh I'm sorry princess. Too cold for you?"

Steve's face twitches before he bends down and makes his own snowball to launch it at Tony, maybe a little too hard, but it's on now. Frustrated growls and tinkling laughs fill the air as they battle it out.

Unsurprisingly, Natasha takes them all out one by one until they're begging for mercy from her cold snowball fury; she's impossible to hit and has insane accuracy.

"Give up?" Her voice is pure glee as Tony squirms under her while she stuffs small chunks of snow into the front of his shirt.

"Yes, you she-devil!" Natasha smiles triumphantly, stuffing in one last bit of snow before getting up. Tony growls at her as she smiles down on him and Bruce comes over to help Tony up, brushing the snow off his back once he's standing. The whole group is scowling at the grinning red head.

"You're all such sore sports. I know if Thor was here he would have put up a better fight than you all," she says finally. Tony is amazed at how casual she sounds when forming the name on her lips. That word had fast become poison, taking out Steve then Clint then Natasha and finally Tony and Bruce as the sadness or irritation slid from person to person, infecting the whole group and ruining whatever fun or peace they had been having.

It is just better if they never mention him at all.

But it is too late now and Tony is frustrated that all his good work has been in vain as he watches Steve all but check out taking a frowning Clint with him.

"Let's just go back, huh?" Bruce asks quietly. Natasha nods as Clint and Steve start walking in tandem, the other three trailing behind them.

Tony is glowering at the back of Natasha's head when Bruce grabs his hand and gives it a firm squeeze catching his attention. When his eyes land on his face, Tony exhales slowly. Bruce's face is pulled into a sad smile and Tony knows Bruce saw what he tried to do…and Tony is surprised. He's somehow always surprised at just how well Bruce understands him even when he doesn't always understand himself.

Tony smiles back halfheartedly and doesn't let go of the hand in his grip as they walk home.

* * *

Clint is lost.

He's been watching Steve since the moment Thor left and though he hides it better now, Clint doesn't think it seems that Steve feels any better. He only seems more lonely and crushed every time his mask slips and Clint is pissed at Thor for it.

How could he just leave Steve here like this, with no words or contact for almost a year? If he really loved him so much (he never heard them say it to each other but Clint didn't have to hear it to know) then how could he do this? It didn't sit right with him.

Out on the balcony, facing the thing he seems to hate most, Steve shifts as a gust of bitter wind slants the snowflakes fluttering in the air. Clint scrubs a hand over his face.

_Not right at all._

Standing from where he is perched on the back of Thor's couch (he was startled at how long it took him to realize Steve stayed here and practically never ventured to his own floor anymore), he goes to slide the balcony door open and pops his head out into the chilled air. "Steve, get back in here. We don't need Captain American catching a cold."

"You know I won't," he answers but Clint is pleased when he does what is asked of him anyway.

Clint wanders into the kitchen area trailed by Steve and they work around each other in a familiar rhythm. It's almost effortless, but it took months to get this rapport which started not even a day after Steve's breakdown. They had come to spend more time with each other when Clint would always seem to appear the moment Steve felt he needed company (Clint could always see the subtle confusion in his eyes when this happened), but he accepted it and one time became ten times until they came to be as they are.

Set up with hot chocolate and popcorn, the silent duo head to the couch where Steve plops down and Clint pops in a movie before settling next to Steve.

The movie is good and Clint is enjoying himself in a distant fashion, but he can't quiet pay attention as he would like when upon first glance in his direction, Steve is clearly not really watching. His face is pulled in concentration on Thor no doubt and Clint grimaces. This is absolutely everything he did not want.

Turning his body fully toward Steve, the man turns his eyes to him too as Clint stares at him. Long moments drag by and the movie continues on without their notice until he doesn't know what possesses him, but suddenly his lips are on Steve's hot and insistent.

In the moments that it takes for Clint to come back to himself, he realizes Steve is not kissing him too and opens his eyes to find blue eyes looking back at him. He pulls away.

"Clint…" Steve says tone soft. The ways his name hangs in the air makes his heart twist and wishes, in vain, he did not have one at all.

"Steve…" he puts a hand on his face with gentleness he wasn't even aware he was capable of, "Steve," he whispers and leans forward again just brushing their lips together.

Though he doesn't exactly respond he doesn't push him away so Clint, encouraged, climbs into Steve's lap and suddenly Steve is there with him too, kissing back hard and demanding. Clint feels the tears on his cheeks as he wraps his arms around his neck and kisses him back harder, all tongue and teeth. Clint accepts it, accepts that this won't be gentle and just takes and takes and takes, absorbing everything Steve will let him until he feels nothing at all.

When they're done Steve's lips are red and bruised and guilt is edging in from the corner of his eyes and Clint hates himself just as much as Thor.

Clint shakes his head and attempts to get up, but Steve's hands hold him in place. He pushes his face into Clint's chest.

"Stay."

His words are muffled, but Clint can hear the clear lines of guilt weaving through his voice and it's heartbreaking and he knows it's wrong, that really he should say no, but he can't. The desperation and pleading hold him there as much as Steve's grip does so he stays, slumping forward onto his chest. He digs his fingers into Steve's shoulders as he clings, afraid and knowing, that he will bolt if given the chance. He doesn't do this.

He  _really_  doesn't do this.

And yet he shudders and stays when Steve buries his face in the side of his neck and exhales, the hands at his hips holding on just shy of too tight.


	7. Chapter 7

Steve is sitting ramrod straight in his chair as the meal winds to a close. Tony is watching him, but has yet to say anything. Again.

Tony must know, he's sure of it. Hell, everyone ought to and yet they all have said absolutely nothing and Steve's anxiety keeps escalating. This is a place where secrets don't go uncovered so why wouldn't they say anything?

He leans forward and takes another bite of food.

Since the day he kissed Clint and completely destroyed boundaries with him, the guilt has been steadily eating away at him, running his peace of mind in quiet moments. And yet that doesn't stop anything; he's there every night in his arms and though he has never kissed him again it's all he can do not to stand up and ask what? What would you have me do?

_Bring him back. Make him come back. Please._

He wants to say that, but doesn't and instead cleans his plate off the table and brings it to the sink.

The worst part, the part that makes Steve tremble some nights, is that he thinks Thor will never forgive him. Not for kissing Clint once, but for all those nights after when the shadows are long and the city is quiet below and he's wrapped around Clint in their bed, Thor's bed. It's where they were silent, touches long and soft, just being with each other in ways that made Steve's body and soul practically ache with contentment. It's where he fell in love with him. Thor's long lashes brushing his cheeks, face serene, snoring softly beside him until blue eyes flutter open, a warm mile crossing his face before he kisses Steve slowly.

But now every night he brings Clint here and he knows, he's absolutely sure, Thor won't forgive him for this, for being in this bed. Their bed.

The guilt builds each day, but he can't stop.

Days are fine. He feels how Steve Rogers should more often than not, but when he's alone at night it dips into madness; isolation.

Desperation.

He craves the comfort, the closeness of another when everything collapses around him, stopping his breathe, forcing out panic in his body he doesn't want to feel and knows that he shouldn't so he lets Clint come. They both stay awake in the dark, Clint's fingers digging in the arm Steve wraps around his body squeezing him tight until the tension eases out and they fall away from each other into slumber.

Steve turns from the sink and watches The Avengers banter.

Maybe Thor found out and that's why he won't come back; that it's already over before it barely started and even got a chance to explain or be angry with Thor for going and saying nothing while he was gone, but he doesn't feel that to be true. Minds twist evil wicked poisoning ideas when thinking too hard so instead Steve tries to occupy his time talking to Heimdall when he must be alone.

Steve talks to Heimdall, prays for him to pay attention, hoping he'll get his messages (he knows he does) and will pass on the sentiments to Thor.

As he gets off his knees, now finished praying to God and begging Heimdall for help, he feels Clint in the doorway. Steve inhales deeply, lays on the bed, and Clint comes to him without a word.

* * *

Tony growls and looks at the data again. This is so much more complicated than anything he's ever done before and the fact that even with the combined effort of both Jane, Selvig, and himself this is still so slow going has made him horribly irritated.

"Sir, perhaps you should go to bed," Jarvis says.

"I'm not done yet."

"You will not finish tonight, sir. It's 5:38 in the morning and you know Bruce does not enjoy sleeping alone."

Tony scowls. "Low blow Jarvis." When Jarvis says nothing else, Tony pinches the bridge of his nose but supposes he is right on both accounts.

"Goodnight you pain in my ass."

"Sweet dreams sir."

Tony tries his best to be quiet and sneak into the room. Tony trusts Bruce to stay under control, but what's the harm in not startling him awake?

"What have you been up to?" But apparently that doesn't stop Bruce from startling Tony. His heart tries its best to beat frantically past the reactor, Bruce truly having scared him.

"Why are you still awake?" he mutters, hand on the reactor and willing his body to relax.

"Fair enough, but I would like to know. I don't recall anything being all that pressing before I went to bed."

Tony's eyes dart around in the room, steadily avoiding eye contact with Bruce though he can barely make him out in the dark from this distance. Bruce senses his evasion and snorts quietly.

"I could just ask Jarvis, you know."

Tony rolls his eyes. "I'm working on fixing the connection to the bifrost."

Bruce's eyebrows shoot up. "The connection to Thor's world? Why didn't you tell me? I could be helping you…and Jane and them I'm assuming."

Tony strips off his pants and crawls into the bed next to Bruce, propping himself up on his forearm at Bruce's side. He can see him better now, with the faint lights from the city coming through the windows illuminating his face slightly. "I know. I'm just…" Tony lies onto his back and closes his eyes. "The more people that know, the more likely Steve will find out and…" Tony trails off, but he doesn't have to finish for Bruce to understand.

Bruce shifts at Tony's side and when he puts his head on Tony's chest he can feel the smile on his face. "It's really funny," Bruce chuckles.

"What's funny?" Tony pops open an eye to look at him.

"Here we are, both working on the same thing and not telling each other about it."

Tony sits up, forcing Bruce off his chest. "You're working on it too?" he scoffs. "And yet here you are scolding me, bad Tony, for not sharing this with you."

Bruce's cheeky answering smile makes Tony laugh. "That's why I love you. We're always on the same page even when the both of us don't know it." He runs a hand through his hair and looks to the window, hearing the faint sounds of the morning hustle coming about.

When Bruce says nothing for a while Tony turns his eyes to him and his mouth is set in a perfect little 'o', eyes wide. Tony frowns.  _Why would…?_

He goes over his last sentence in his head and… _oh._

He said he loved him, so casually, no wonder Bruce looked so damn surprised, but Tony is surprised too He means it, he really does, and that's a shock, but he curls in on himself, defensive (which he almost never is with Bruce, he can't be. Hardly knows how to be) because what if.

"Well don't just stare at me like that. You might catch flies though I would never let this place get in such a state we could have them," Tony muses.

"You love me?" Bruce's voice is quiet, reverent.

"How about that? A man barely with a heart loving someone. Ha ha—" Bruce kisses him then, slowly, tender, hand on the side of Tony's face.

He pulls away, keeping his face closes to Tony's. "I love you too," he whispers against his mouth.

Tony swallows audibly and falls back into the pillows, Bruce curling into his side again. He brushes his fingers over the arc reactor. "It's okay."

Tony's not sure who he's trying to reassure as he stares at the ceiling in silence, body and mind strung out in such a way that he knows that he's fucked.

He can never, will never, let Bruce go.


	8. Chapter 8

Clint ducks under Natasha's arm and goes to sweep her legs out from under her. She jumps and clips Clint on his ear with her fist. Clint hisses and glares at her, crouching back into a defensive position.

"Your head's not here," she sighs as she looks at him pointedly. With that deadly grace she never slips out of she sits on the ground and leans back on her forearms peering up at him from under her lashes.

Clint stares at her a moment before rolling his shoulders and stretching out at her feet, hands folded on his chest. "I know."

"Then this was pointless."

"Mmm," he hums noncommittally. He doesn't think where his head is is relevant so he doesn't share.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" Sometimes her transitions are too abrupt and it irritates Clint that she knows him so well and yet he's surprised that Natasha wants to talk about something like this, something in the vicinity of feelings. What he's not surprised by however, is her knowing about him and Steve though neither of them has said anything to anyone.

He turns his head to look at her and brushes his tongue over the front of his teeth. "We're really doing this?"

"You really think this is going to go over well when Thor gets back?"

Clint chuckles mirthlessly. "Hardly."

"You know I hate this." The rigidity of her shoulders conveys as much, but she presses on. "But your head hasn't been on right lately and if this is going to affect work than I'll say something."

Clint rolls his eyes and turns his gaze to the ceiling tracing the outlines and patterns of the lights throughout the room. "You don't have to explain anything to me I just thought you might want to...talk," she finishes lamely and Clint nods. He knows she can do gentle coaxing like she did with Steve and Thor at the beginning, but deeper troubles she doesn't do if she doesn't have to (although there are rare occasions like after Budapest) and Clint is impressed she's trying at all.

"I don't know...I've really fucked shit up with this one," he answers finally when the room starts feeling too small to breathe. Clint looks at her and her expression is stony as she slides her eyes to the side, wraps a curl around a finger, unravels it, does it again. She looks back at him.

"You're making me look bad," she says with a smirk and Clint is grateful she is trying to lighten the mood, but he doesn't know what she means.

"How so?" He turns on his side, head propped on his hand.

"Thor told me to look after Steve when he left and look where we are."

"You did a pretty shit job." She glowers at him. "But I'll have you know that we-"

"No no." She holds up her hands and stands in one fluid motion. "The less I know the better. Bad enough Heimdall is somewhere watching." Clint winces. "You didn't forget him did you?"

"Of course not," he growls as he stands too. How could he forget? He certainly wasn't going to forget when Thor was probably just waiting to smash him to bits.

Natasha shakes her head. "Get your head on straight. That's all I'm saying." She nods once while analyzing him a bit longer before walking off and leaving him standing there.

Clint balls his hands into fists. It seems like since he has joined The Avengers his life has become horribly complicated. First he comes to care for them all against his will and now he's in Steve's bed every night like that's okay.

It's not.

He imagines Thor, dreams about it sometimes too, comes back, sees him, and just throws him off Stark tower or punches him so hard his organs immediately liquefy. Clint's imagination is active, but the worst he's thought of so far is Thor's crushing sadness and disappointment aimed at both of them. Sadly, that one seems most likely.

He went into this with good intentions and though his first move was a mistake, it's knowing where he is now that is the problem. He's begrudgingly feeling something for Steve though he resents and squashes it every time it makes an appearance.

So now he's stuck. He's obligated to help Steve, he can't stop now, but his conflict at being near him only intensifies the more time drags on. Thor will be back eventually though Clint told Steve he may not. He can fool himself if he wants, but he won't bother being like that. He's not one of those people.

Thor will be back, he will be forgotten, and it won't matter anymore what he did.

Steve is none the wiser of how Clint feels of course; it's supposed to be comfort between friends despite Steve's guilt tied with need and Clint gets it. Sometimes he wonders if Steve ever heard him at all when he said it was hardly anything to worry about, that it was nothing but comfort between friends and that there was, is, nothing to be guilty about. They don't talk about it though so Clint's not entirely sure, but the slight downturn of Steve's mouth, his eyes, and his posture make Clint think he's probably right.

 _Comfort between friends_ …Clint snorts. That was a small lie then and a horrendous lie now.

So he's stuck. He'll be left by himself choked by thoughts of Steve when everything rights itself.

It's inevitable.


	9. Chapter 9

Clint is getting old.

Correction,  _older_.

He is painfully aware of why he chose to do three missions in a row though he wishes he wasn't. He hopes it's not so obvious to everyone else however.

The point is, he just needed to get away from the thing, the man, which is both his comfort and his guilt smashed together with a bunch of other unidentified emotions. I don't do this is his new mantra and he's happy with it. He'll stick with it. Screw figuring out what the hell the mess inside of him is.

_But that's all beside the point isn't it? I don't do that so I don't worry about it. What I do worry about however is that I have stiffness I haven't had before after long missions. It sucks to be human human sometimes._

Clint rubbed his neck and shoulder absently as he wandered down the hallway to meet with Director Fury. He didn't understand why debriefing had to occur now at 3am the day he returned from his last assignment, but Fury was very clear and direct. He could practically feel his piercing gaze through the phone.

Clint huffed quietly and turned into the debriefing room only to freeze mid step.

"H-" His teeth snapped together with an audible click.

Fury was just where he expected him to be. He was sitting at the end of the conference table waiting to talk to Clint. What Clint hadn't been prepared for was the figure facing the window with the red cape that he knew so well.

His heart is trying to fight its way out of his chest and he wouldn't dare say it to anyone else but he felt rather faint for a second.

 _Only a second, thank you_.

Clint knows he's not scared of Thor, never has been, but he figures maybe he is just a little bit right now. And maybe he actually wasn't expecting Thor to come back if he's being anyway honest with himself.

And maybe Clint is physically incapable of forming any words right now that won't come out sounding like a high pitched whine so he stays silent and looks at Fury with wide eyes. He probably looks like an idiot, but what other reaction is there to shoot for in this? Who really expected Thor to come back after a year and….nine, ten months? Who really?

Who?

_Steve._

Fury is clearly saying something and Clint focuses in on him.

"Are you paying attention to me now?"

Clint nods and flicks his eyes to Thor, but he hasn't stirred since he entered the room and that makes him uneasy.

"Good. As you can see Thor has come back and that I'm really not interested in debriefing you right now."

Clint rolls his eyes.  _Obviously._

"Don't be a smart ass. Point is he just came back and you were the most available. I'm not waking the group just so they all can gawk like you and not hear a thing I say. You're listening right now aren't you?"

Clint nodded obediently, but who could actually pay attention to him when Thor was there, the man who could snap Clint in half for the choices he made. It defied logic.

"Clint!" Fury snapped and Clint flinched. He scratched his head sheepishly.

"I need your attention for one more minute," Fury grumbled.

"I can do that," Clint croaked.  _At least that wasn't high pitched and squeaky._

"These are my final thoughts and you better fucking listen because I'm not sticking around. It's 3 am for fucks sake." Clint nodded for him to continue.

Thor still hadn't turned around.

"I don't know what the hell it is you guys do in this tower and I try my best not to know, but Thor needs a place to sleep and I cannot be bothered to figure out where that might be in the confusion of," Fury grimaced, "the relationships you all have so you figure it out. If you can handle it you tell everyone Thor's back, you all have your reactions and then we'll have a real discussion in a few days when you can pick your jaws off the floor."

"Will do, director."

"Fantastic." Fury didn't even bother with a good night as he excused himself from the room leaving Clint staring at Thor's back.

_Now what?_

As if he heard Clint's thought Thor finally spoke up. "Hello Clint."

A bubble of hysterical laughter rose in Clint's throat and he had to smash it down to keep it from escaping. This was practically the beginning of every dream Clint had had for the last year; the beginnings of dreams that either ended with his gruesome death or Thor just looking horribly disappointed and sad, which as it turns out, is so much worse than he expected. But Thor's voice is neither aggressive nor disappointed as it had been in all those dreams. It's smooth with no inflection of any emotion at all.

Clint rings his hands together, sweat beading at the nape of his neck.

"Hi Thor. Long time no see huh?" Clint chuckles awkwardly at his own bad joke but still Thor makes no move to turn around.

Now Clint feels stuck. Where is he supposed to go from here?

He can't take Thor back to his old floor because, surprise, Clint and Steve practically share that now.

Sweat rolls down his neck to the collar of his shirt.

_This is just fantastic._

_Steve's floor. Steve's old floor? Is that where I should take him? That's not exactly smart, that will just remind him of everything, or make him suspicious…maybe he'll just smother me with a pillow. Ha ha ha._

Clint was thankful Thor hadn't turned around to see the grimace on his face.

_So where then?_

Clint runs his hands through his hair making it stick up in strange directions.

_This is a logistical nightmare. Why hadn't we thought of this?_

" _Because,"_ the dark side of him whispers seductively,  _"you weren't exactly supposed to be sleeping with his Steve now were you?"_

Clint shakes his head violently.

"Th-,"

"Holy shit!"

_Saved by a Stark._


	10. Chapter 10

Steve couldn't help but wonder when Clint was coming back. It had been a lonely couple of nights and Clint had said he'd be back today but still nothing.

So where was he?

Steve rolls over and let's himself spread out onto the whole bed. He is not alone often, but when he is he still clings to one side of the bed.

_But not tonight._

Steve sighs lightly and finds a position he is comfortable in; laying on his stomach with his arms crossed and his head resting on them.

Steve doesn't want to let his mind wander, that is never good, so he hums instead.

_Four in the morning and I'm sober walking through the rain_

_It doesn't matter where I'm going everywhere's the same_

_Cold dark room_

_I've put myself into_

_You were a window to a world that I could never know._

"Steve?" Jarvis' cool voice interrupts Steve's song.

Steve lifts himself off the bed and pads to the hallway, heart beating just a little bit faster. Anytime he is contacted this late at night nothing good is happening.

"Yes Jarvis?"

"Sir, you may want to head to the conference room."

Steve stands straighter, senses on alert. "Why, what's wrong?"

"Thor's back."

Two simple words and Steve's mind comes to a grinding halt. He breathes, he blinks, but otherwise he is frozen, a living statue. Steve blinks hard.

"What?" he whispers breathily.

"Thor's back," Jarvis repeats, but before he even finishes the second word Steve dashes out the door and skids into the hallway bolting for the stairwell. He jumps down whole half flights of stairs, wild eyed and heart skipping wildly in his chest. Arriving at the right floor he contains himself just enough to not rip the door off its hinges in his haste to get through.

To stop himself from looking as crazed as he feels, he slows down to a normal walk and makes his way to the doorway that is about to change his life all over again.

_For better or worse._

Steve is about to take the final step in, to make the final jump, but Thor's voice pulls him up short. It stuns him like a shockwave and his heart beats faster.

_This can't be healthy._

Steve listens.

"…just rest. It is late and all of us need to retire. I am happy to answer some questions in the morning however."

"Really? You expect us to wait after all this time?" Tony sounds horribly impatient.

"What's a few more hours Tony?"

When he doesn't reply Steve figures he's glaring at Thor because he's kind of right.

Bruce's soft voice chimes in. "Maybe we should get to bed, huh? We can hold Thor captive tomorrow."

Steve wants to go in, what the hell is he waiting for, but he can't make himself take those last two steps.

_Thor's right there, just inside that room. This is what you've dreamed about. Go already. Go!_

"…can't say I like this but fine. I guess even gods need their sleep…where the hell are you going to sleep though?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh? You don't know? That's something." Tony's voice has a sharp edge to it Steve doesn't like, but he still doesn't move.

"Tony…" Bruce's says, voice full of warning.

"Don't shoot the messenger, right? He needs to know Bruce. We can't just throw him into that room and pretend everything is roses." Steve imagines Tony's face as he dares them to contradict him. If Steve didn't know any better, despite his sinking feeling, he would assume Tony is just trying to cause trouble but he doesn't think that's what's happening.

"No Tony, but is now really…"

"I know about Clint and Steve, Tony, if that is what you are intending to tell me."

"HA HA! Of course he does!" Clint's voice sounds strangled and high pitched. It's no tone of voice Steve's ever heard out of him before and that's what gets him moving. He takes the last two steps and there stands Thor just as Steve remembers him. Everyone else is there too, but Steve can't take his eyes off Thor.

And apparently no one else can either. Though it takes a moment, Steve finally recognizes no one has seen him. He's never managed to sneak up on Clint and Natasha before, but there's no indication anyone cares or notices that he's there now. This is too distracting for Steve to even register on their radar.

"Well now that that's cleared up, what shall our sleeping arrangements be, hmm?" Tony questions.

Suddenly Thor's eyes snap up from Tony and connect with Steve's and Steve swears he feels energy crackle in the room when he inhales sharply.

He holds that breath then lets it out slowly.

After just a moment's hesitation, Steve wills himself forward, Thor's heavy gaze following him the whole way and it seems to take an agonizing amount of for him to cross the room.

He knows he should feel a huge conflicting range of emotions at seeing Thor after so long but right now his mind can't bother. Getting to him, touching him, knowing he's real is all Steve can manage.

They're two feet apart when Steve stops, head titled up slightly to maintain eye contact with Thor.

His hands twitch in anticipation of touching and he gives in, clinging to Thor despite the hard bite of the armor into his skin. Thor's arms wrap around him tightly in return and Steve buries his face in Thor's neck.

_Home._

Steve doesn't know how long they stay there with the rest of them hovering quietly behind them, but he doesn't care. Thor's warm hands are on his back and it feels wonderful, just being like this.

_This should go on forever. It's simple and easy, as natural as breathing. I wish we could stay like this. It's complicated after this._

Steve shifts.

_Clint._

That thought rattles him more than he likes.

Aware of the eyes on him now, Steve pulls back from Thor's embrace and Thor releases him without hesitation. Grabbing Thor's hand, he gives a small tug and Steve's grateful, enormously so, that he follows without questions.

The guilt is closing in at the edge of Steve's conscience much too quickly.

_ClintClintClintClintClint_

He shoves it down fiercely with his narrow minded focus to get out of there.

_Tomorrow. Just…Tomorrow._

_Please._

The walk back to the room is quiet. Only their footfalls on the floor (Steve's sure Thor's are much quieter than he remembers) and their breathing makes any noise around them.

When they get back to their room Steve winces at how obvious it is that Clint basically lives here. His shirts there, pants here, one of his bows in the corner.

If Thor notices he doesn't bother to comment.

Out of the corner of his eye Steve sees some of the armor on Thor's arms melt away so he wastes time picking out a pair of shorts and a shirt for Thor to wear to bed (Steve doesn't know if just shorts is appropriate anymore despite Thor's lack of naked inhibition). As Steve digs through the drawer, he notices, with much guilt, that a few of Clint's shirts are stacked on top of his options.

Selecting a black t-shirt shorts combination, Steve turns back to the other to see him standing there with his breast plates still snugly in place, but otherwise mostly naked. He takes Steve's silent offering of the outfit, walks to the ensuite and closes the door behind him.

Steve is unsettled. It doesn't feel right, Thor's silence, Clint's belongings, the yawning abyss he sees between Thor and himself, but Steve feels powerless to change it.

_I should feel something else shouldn't I? Anger maybe? Something besides guilt. Something besides feeling so…lost._

Almost two years hadn't done anything to make this reunion less intense and there's so much wrong between them ( _and Clint_ ) that Steve doesn't know where to begin to fix it.

Suddenly and acutely Steve wishes he was a kid again and broken hearts and fights could be fixed with something as silly as a treat or new toy to share between friends. The young forgive and forget easier.

When Thor comes out of the bathroom a short time later (fully clothed Steve can't help but notice), he can imagine the look on his face that causes Thor to stutter step and head right over to wrap him in his arms, but that's wrong too. Steve appreciates the effort, but Thor feels rigid, the muscles under Steve's hands hard with tension.

Suppressing the wild feeling stampeding through his body, Steve pulls Thor closer, brushing his hands over the smooth material of Thor's shirt lightly to comfort himself, or maybe Thor. He doesn't know and doesn't care, but it doesn't seem to matter. When Thor relaxes Steve does too.

Eventually they find their way to the bed and curl around each other.

As Steve falls asleep to Thor's steady breathing, he dreads tomorrow with all of his being.


	11. Chapter 11

Steve startles awake though his eyes remain closed.

First, he's alone and he knows it without even bothering to check.

Second, Steve is in awe of the serene calmness he can feel radiating from his body. Last night's desperation and utter hopelessness has fled and left Steve drifting lightly in a sea of peace. Steve sighs in contentment.

But that sea is swiftly slightly disturbed by his betraying mind.

_Where is Thor?_

Opening his eyes he feels uneasy though he's positive that Thor's still in the building, that he hasn't up and left the first chance he caught Steve unawares. He knows Thor is there somewhere in the tower, but despite this, that tiny tingle of doubt urges Steve to go check so he climbs out of bed and hastily pulls on a black pair of shorts and a red shirt.

Considering it's about 9am he heads down to the communal floor to see if everyone is there or, at the very least, if someone can tell him where Thor is. The need to be close to him makes Steve's skin itch. Putting a little haste into his steps, he finally arrives on the floor and walks into the room.

Steve frowns, but his niggling inner anxiety immediately disappears.

In front of him everyone at the table is eerily quiet. Thor is staring into his plate with such intensity it would have made any mortal squirm while the others, except for Tony, throw glances in his direction. Tony is outright staring at Thor with a look of consternation on his face. Steve guesses he wants answers and he wants them now.

"Hey Cap," Natasha finally says.

Tony grunts. "Oh good. You're here. Now we can get down to business." His voice all but demands that the inquisition start now.

Steve gathers some eggs and pancakes onto his plate and takes a seat to Thor's left.

He tries his best to ignore Clint's rigid posture.

When Thor looks up Steve sees an uplift at the corner of Thor's mouth and he can't help but smile a little bit too.

"What is it that you would like to know?" Thor questions in his rich, slightly accented voice Steve had no idea he could miss so much. It's dazzling.

Where Thor's hand rests on his thigh underneath the table, Steve covers it with his own. Thor quickly slides his eyes to Steve then back to Tony's face.

Tony looks completely flabbergasted. His mouth is popped open into a little 'o' before he slams his jaw shut with a click and fixes the Asgardian with a glare. "The world is full of kidders. We don't need another," he growls. Steve notices the others look equally unamused.

Thor chuckles lightly. "Sorry Tony. I just…," Thor tilts his head and just  _smiles_  at him. It's unguarded and full of warmth, speaking of a kind of fondness shared between best friends. I'm glad to see you, it says. I've missed you.

The purity of the smile makes Tony frown harder, but his eyes twinkle as he looks back at Thor.

Thor speaks once again. "Well my friends, I'm afraid that the tale of my absence is not nearly as exciting as I'm sure you expect it to be. I'm crown prince and sometimes there is just a long list of tedious situations we need to attend to."

"And you couldn't send a carrier pigeon or a monsoon to let us know you were alive? Or that you knew we even existed anymore?" Clint demands, his voice laced with barely concealed scorn.

Thor doesn't rise to Clint's anger and his voice seems warped by emotion when he responds. "It is not possible for me to create storms between time and space, Clint. I knew you were alive of course, and Heimdall was watching to tell me if you really were in need of my assistance, but otherwise I was occupied. I have  _never_ forgotten you." Thor's answer makes Clint glower at the table and an uneasiness descends upon the room.

"I am glad you did not forget us Thor," Bruce interjects into the growing silence. He graces Thor with a placid smile. "But perhaps you could tell us about the things you did while you were away? Two years must seem like nothing to you, but it is quite long to us."

Thor nods with a grave look upon his face. "I know and I am sorry I am unable to provide you with more detail. However, because the activities I was involved with are expressly Asgardian business, it is best I do not divulge the actual details of my doings. If something were ever to happen, deniability is your best chance of this realm remaining safe. It is bad enough my presence here has attracted attention to this place."

Thor's logic is sound but Steve glances at each of his teammates to gauge their reactions to Thor's speech. Natasha is unreadable which doesn't surprise him, Clint is still studying the table, Bruce seems to understand because he nods once and sits back in his chair, but Tony looks like he's just dying to know what lies behind the slight of the diplomatic speech from his normally forthcoming friend.

Steve is curious too, but stems the want to voice that feeling. "Thor is right. Our best chance is to not know anything at all…though I can tell you wish to, Tony." Steve squeezes Thor's hand where it is now laced with his out of sight of the others.

Tony grumbles something Steve doesn't understand then speaks louder. "Did you at least fight an acid breathing dragon or something? I need some kind of payoff for your absence. These guys don't indulge me like you do." Tony sounds irritated, but Thor's logic is sound so Tony seems to have acquiesced.

"Of course, my friend! What would be two years away without some battles? But let us leave it for another time. There are only so many stories and I am feeling in need of some exercise." Thor promptly releases Steve's hand and stands up.

Natasha, who had been staring at Tony with a half-smile, looks quickly to Thor and their eye contact is immediate and intense. For a moment Steve swears a look of annoyance and, perhaps, pleading crosses over his features before his face is perfectly genially again.

"Would you like to join me Natasha?" He asks as he walks to the sink and deposits his dishes there.

The question is laced with more subtexts that Steve can comprehend from whatever took place a moment ago.

"Gladly," she says as she rises and mirrors his actions.

Everyone looks as confused as Steve feels by this strange little display. Though neither has expressly forbidden anyone else to attend, it's clear by the clipped exchange that they are not welcome, including Steve. Steve is taken aback and the tingle of doubt and utter strangeness of Thor's return last night creeps into Steve's being once again.

Regardless of his emotions, Steve notices this unsaid understanding seems to incense Clint further because he too stands up, but with just a little more force than necessary.

"Well you two enjoy yourselves," Clint mutters and walks out. He doesn't even bother with his dishes.

Thor and Natasha closely follow Clint's exit without another word and Steve can only tense with anxiety twisting his stomach and shrug helplessly at Bruce and Tony's questioning gazes.

* * *

Thor and Natasha go through the motions of exercising in the Stark tower gym. Innumerable reps and cardio minutes later the two have yet to speak a word but seamlessly agree to leave the tower and go for a walk.

Natasha is unsurprised when they end up in an abandoned little park far away from the looming figure of the tower.

"We're here," she says finally, gesturing to the empty space around them.

"So we are," he answers. Silence fills the space between them.

Seeing this going nowhere she rolls her eyes. "Well?"

"Thank you," he says, sincerity clear in his tone.

Natasha shrugs and gestures for him to hurry it up already. Her curiosity is killing her.

There's a pause.

One moment.

Two.

Despite herself Natasha gasps.


	12. Chapter 12

Steve had gone from confused to ticked off pretty quickly. He did not understand what transpired between Natasha and Thor, but he had been willing enough to wait it out.

He eventually lost his patience, however, and went down to the gym to find no one there. Steve had sighed with frustration.

Hours later, he is at dinner with the others when Clint receives a text from Natasha saying that she and Thor will be back soon. Steve is mildly relieved beyond his ire with this information.

He continues to tap his fingers against the table rhythmically, mouth set in a grim line.

"Cheer up sour puss. He'll be back soon," Tony teases finally. Steve flicks his eyes over to Tony but says nothing. Steve's silence makes Tony roll his eyes and engage Bruce in conversation again without further comment.

Steve is aware that perhaps he is being rude, but for once he wants to indulge in it. Maybe Tony doesn't get his agitation, but Steve understands his feelings clearly for once in a long while. With every other emotion cleared out for a moment or two, displaced by his growing frustration, Steve is very much done with secrets. Thor had come back with secrets he hadn't told Steve yet and then the second he got a chance, he went off and told Natasha some of them. He doesn't begrudge Natasha for having Thor's trust.

No.

No, he is irritated that Thor hadn't come to him first with whatever it is that he is hiding. Perhaps it's childish, but Steve can't help but think that that is what partnerships are for. He is there to support him, to hold his secrets, to soothe his woes and have Thor there for him in return, but clearly that is not what is going on here.

_But maybe Clint…_

He banishes it from his mind.

Steve does not want this. His relationship with Thor, despite everything, is one of the very first truly welcome and cherished experiences to come out of walking up in this new time; a time where everything he had known is lost to him and hurts him still. But Thor…Thor was,  _is_ , a good thing and he won't let this slip through his fingers by inaction. He had almost let it before they had even begun, but not now. He has always been one to pursue his goals with dogged determination even if the original answer is no…it's how he came to be who he is and Steve is proud of it. He can't take back the past, but he can move on with the ideas of his strong sense of self and purpose into the future.

He knows what he wants and as Thor walks into the room with a smiling Natasha, he solidifies his feelings; he holds onto his smoldering anger and commits it to his being to fortify him later. Thor has a way of disarming him that Steve does not always understand and in this moment would not welcome.

Steve watches as Bruce smiles at the pair. Even the underlying tension can't completely dissipate the sense of wholeness at Thor's return. He completes their little mismatched group. Steve relaxes a fraction.

"Where have you two been?" Bruce questions.

Thor smiles wryly. "All in due time, my friend. For now, I am anticipating the wonderful meal you have made. You are, by far, the most excellent cook here." Bruce's mouth twists and he rubs his neck a little at Thor's praise.

"That's a filthy lie!" Tony exclaims and then they're all talking.

The pattern is familiar and fits like a second skin. None of them had ever thought they would find something so comfortable with how their lives have played out, but there it was right in front of Steve.

A family.

They're a family where it's even easy to ignore how Thor and Clint don't directly interact.

* * *

Later, full and content, Steve starts disassembling his warm regard for the dinner he has just shared as Thor talks animatedly at his side. Steve needs to be in the right frame of mind for this conversation and this sloppy happiness is not it.

Steve almost regrets what he is about to do as it will surely ruin Thor's mood, but it's lost as he finds his frame of mind from earlier.

He has enough mind to wait until they are in their room to address Thor. As the door shuts with a click, he sets in on him. He doesn't even realize how much he is like Captain America is his tone and in his stance.

"I don't know what it is that you're keeping from me and why, but I would like to know what it is." Not the most graceful first line, but Steve thinks it will do.

Thor whirls around to look at him, face scrunched in confusion at the way his friend is addressing him. "What...?"

Steve motions for his silence. "No. We can't keep secrets. Not after all that's happen."

A flicker of something cross Thor's features. Regret? Annoyance? Sadness? He can't be sure, but neutrality replaces it just as quickly. Thor makes a wide arc around Steve as he approaches their dresser. "Steve, I do not wish to talk about it now. It is of almost no consequence at this point anyway." He won't look at the captain as he pushes clothes around to find something that is his.

A pang of guilt trips Steve up for a moment, but he continues undeterred. " _Really?_  You were gone an awful long time, both today and as for when you went to Asgard. For that matter, I do not even know what really held you up. You could not even get a day to come visit? I get deniability on our part, but it just does not ring completely true to me in hindsight. I understand not telling our friends. But this is me Thor."

The Asgardian still hasn't turned to look at him as he rips a pair of shorts out the drawer and slams it shut. He opens the one below it.

"I…haven't made the best decisions myself. I take responsibility for that, I do, but you need to be honest with me and of course I will with you. What are you hiding from me? Why would you hide from me? I've done nothing but love you.  _I've missed you_."

He grimaces. That was uncalled for and perhaps unfair. They had never even properly said I love you and here he is bringing it up. He's slightly sorry, but he won't apologize right now for the hurt and for saying what he feels either. It would reek of insincerity to say less than that and he will not do that to them.

Thor slams the other drawer and puts his back fully to Steve now. He rips down his jeans (he's wearing underwear?) and roughly pulls on the green pajama bottoms in his hand. His voice sounds uneven, like he's gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw as he answers. "I have missed you, how could I not?" Steve doesn't miss how Thor says nothing about his love from him.

His arms flex as he ties a knot on the strings in the waistband of his pants. "But it is not simple, Steve. I cannot, I am unable, to tell you everything."

"I know, b-" Steve stops speaking abruptly as Thor pulls his shirt over his head.

Thor immediately realizes his mistake but it's too late to take it back. He stands there breathing evenly, but makes no move to turn around.

Fully riveted, he involuntarily approaches, completely disarmed. All of his anger, the whole point of the conversation is forgotten.

Down the Asgardian's back, curving around his front out of sight, is an angry red scar, jagged and fresh. The skin is stretched tight with yellow blue bruises surrounding it and the smaller lacerations nearby. They're unsightly and stand out in stark contrast to his otherwise tanned skin.

Thor, reluctantly turns around now, his face pensive.

Eyes still trained on Thor's body, he follows the curve of the scar where it climbs from his back up to his chest and comes to an end just under his right collar bone. He tentatively reaches out and traces it with shaky fingers. It's hot to the touch, uneven and yet somehow still smooth. Thor flinches minutely at the contact and ghosts his fingers over Steve's own before Steve returns his hand to his side.

He wants to embrace the man before him, but doesn't wish to cause him pain either.

Steve looks at his face, rakes his eyes over it for a sign of what to do because he doesn't know anymore. Something other than shocked emptiness, he is sure, would bring him back from the brink of where his mind is heading.

_That wound could have been fatal._

"It will fade," Thor says softly, just as he cannot handle the silence anymore. "Soon it will not be there at all. This is not the first and certainly not the last time I will be injured."

Steve makes a little choked noise of outrage and horror.

Thor chuckles but there is no humor in the sound. "This is something I wished to keep from you, at least for a few more days. It would have faded by then. It would have been less…jarring."

Steve manages to find his voice though it comes out in a raspy whisper. "What happened?" The question is loaded with more meaning than just the wound alone. How had he ended up in that situation? Why was he gone so long?

Why?

Thor seems to sense the weight of the simple phrase and looks to the floor. When he brings his eyes back up Steve is instantly terrified of what he has to say. Thor is clearly distraught; an unbridled pain shines in his blue eyes. Steve wants to push it away, to hug Thor and cover his mouth with his own. He wants to tell him to say nothing at all. They can pretend all is fine he's sure.

But a dark part of the captain has to know so he clamps his lips shut and balls his fists waiting for the worst.

Thor opens his mouth and is about to speak when the door swings open. Steve and Thor both turn toward the opening to see Clint take a step into the room looking quite distracted only for him to suddenly look up and register the other two staring at him.

"I…" Clint's voice trails off. He's staring unabashedly at the mark on Thor's chest now.

Steve turns his gaze from Clint back to Thor to gauge his reaction and is dismayed to see it is as if the shutters have been drawn closed behind his eyes. His face is blank and inscrutable.

"Steve," Thor says. The tone in which is it said demands attention and Steve watches as he pulls his shirt over his head. "The past two years, while not a long time by Asgardian standards, has given me time to think in moments. Perhaps in times I should have been paying more attention." His voice is casual. It is as if he is simply reciting the weather for the day, but dread settles around Steve's heart. "I think, I know, we must end our relationship as it has been."

Steve's stomach drops, out of his torso, down through his legs, out of his body. He is in free fall.

"Our time together has reached an end. I do not feel the same affections as you and it would be unwise for me to continue with you with our investments as different as they are. I know this information must not be pleasant but please believe I do not wish to harm you. You are my friend."

Friend. The word stings and the business as usual voice keeps Steve silent though his insides are screaming for him to shut him up.

"You have Clint now too and I trust him to take care of you. You will, won't you?" Thor's gaze shifts to Clint and out of morbid curiosity Steve has to sneak a glance too.

Clint seems completely bewildered. "I…y-yes?" he stutters. Steve swings his eyes back to Thor and sees him give Clint a beatific smile for his answer.

"Good." Thor casts his hand out to the side and his hammer gracefully slides to it from where it has been perched by the wall in the corner. The Asgardian's eyes sweep over the room and when they settle back on Steve there's a certain look of finality in his gaze and stance. He approaches Steve slowly.

When he has fully closed the space between them, he places one hand on the side of Steve's neck while the other nestles in his hair. Thor's warm lips descend to his forehead and give him a feather light kiss. As he talks his warm breathe ruffles the fine hairs on Steve's head. "I will always cherish the time we shared together. Do not doubt that."

Thor releases him and Steve looks up into his eyes. His farewell is a half-smile at the corner of his mouth and an excuse me as he has to shuffle Clint out of the way to exit the room.

Steve stares after him, too shocked by the sudden change of events to make a move to go after him. And what would he even say? Thor seemed so…distant and unobtainable. It is the 70 years he can't get back. He is, for once, something Steve deems godlike. There and yet entirely intangible, not reachable.

He casts his gaze to Clint, whose head is down and whose hand is white knuckling the door handle.

Steve wonders idly, as he leaves as unceremoniously as Thor did moments before, if that was the final time Thor was going to rip himself out of Steve's life and leave behind someone too wounded and confused to ever understand why it happened in the first place.


	13. Chapter 13

Steve can feel Clint's quiet presence behind him as he makes his way down to Tony's lab. Though he wishes for him to leave him be, he's silently grateful for a connection to the space around him anyway.

When they arrive at the lab the only person in sight is Bruce who doesn't look up right away to acknowledge his teammates.

Clint coughs after a beat and Bruce finally tears his eyes away from the desk, looking quite startled to see the two of them standing there. His face quickly morphs into concern over something he must see, but Steve cannot fathom what because he's hollow. Maybe Bruce can see the emptiness in his eyes, but Steve can't find it in him to try to reassure his friend. He sits down on one of the chairs scattered throughout the room and just looks back at Bruce.

Bruce swings his gaze back and forth between Clint and himself a few times before speaking. "What's…going on?"

Steve hears Clint huff loudly from where he's standing by one of the lab tables. "Well, Banner, it would appear that Steve and Thor have broken up."

Bruce's whole face scrunches. "What?" he says incredulously.

"Yeah, and Thor gave me Steve too which was nice." Clint's voice is laced with venom, where it's directed Steve is not entirely sure.

"Steve?" Bruce asks; his voice is gentle but prying.

"You heard him. Thor and I are no longer together it seems," Steve responds robotically. In some detached part of himself Steve is horrified by his empty tone. Where did his resolve from earlier go? He thought he had built himself up, that he could stand anything Thor had to say, but this he had not prepared for; he hadn't even thought it was a possibility. Thor had somehow done exactly what Steve hadn't wanted and did him one action worse, he ripped Steve's heart carelessly from his chest and took it with him.

"What's all the fuss about?" Tony questions as he walks into the room with Natasha in tow. "Jarvis said we had to come." Steve watches as Tony seems to take stock of the situation. "No, really, what's going on?"

"Thor broke up with Steve and said I could keep him. Isn't that great?" Clint says with fake enthusiasm.

Tony laughs, but the sound seems forced to Steve's ears. "Bullshit."

"No bullshit," Clint responds.

"No," Tony insists.

"Yes," Bruce answers. Tony purses his lips as he looks around at everyone. Steve figures Tony assumed he would be rolling around on the floor crying about this, but how can he explain to Tony there is nothing to cry over. There's nothing left in his chest anyway.

"This…doesn't seem right. Why would Point Break leave you?"

Steve shrugs. "He said he doesn't care for me the way I care for him and it's cruel to continue on."

Natasha scoffs. "That's a lie if I've ever heard one."

"Nat you didn't see him. He was serious…I believe him." The shock that rocks Steve's body makes him sit up straighter in his chair. It's not quite an emotion, but it's not pure emptiness either.

_If Clint believes him then…_

Natasha looks surprisingly disapproving with her hands on her hips and the frown she's directing at Clint, but it's Tony that speaks next. "Right…so where's the heart breaker now then?"

"I don't know. He just left after he said what he had to say. He took his hammer with him," Steve responds.

"Thor is not in the building sir in case you wished to know," Jarvis chimes in.

Tony inhales sharply and leans against the glass behind him. He's eyeing Steve in a way that makes the man shift in his chair in discomfort. Steve thinks Tony expects something from him now and it seems so does everyone else. They're all staring at him now and it's a heavy sympathetic gaze he doesn't want. He can barely stand the void within himself let alone take anything from anyone else. This isn't his time and this was not supposed to happen. He cannot take sympathy and, for Pete's sake, pity from people he wasn't even supposed to know. They're his friends, but right now it's too much emotion directed at his gutted being.

"I'm heading to bed," Steve says abruptly as he rises from his chair and makes for the door. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Clint shift to stand straighter.

"Goodnight."

He hopes Clint doesn't follow him this time.


	14. Chapter 14

Thor physically shakes with the effort that it takes him to make it out of Stark tower without running back up the stairs and undoing what he's done. He wishes he could. He would travel back and swallow the words that have damned him to live like this. A sham, a farce, everything he's never wanted to be. He hurts the people he loves. He takes their love, perverts and twists it so that they hate him, for surely, Steve must hate him now. Thor knows that was cruel and unexpected, but there is no other way he sees that doesn't bring more harm upon the people he cares about. The warning bouncing around his skull is stronger than his guilt and heart break.

The city is relatively quiet for this time of night and Thor can barely make out the cloud cover above him as he swings his hammer and takes off over the city. Settling on a rooftop some distance away from the tower but leaving it still in sight, Thor lets out a shuddering breath. It has barely been ten minutes since Thor left, but he is aware that the density of the clouds has increased and yet knows that it was not forecast to rain. His emotions have dictated the weather in the past but if he does not care about Steve as he said he does not, then it must not rain and thunder to display his anguish. They must not know.

Seating himself upon the slightly warm blacktop of the roof, Thor concentrates on the space around him. He can feel each part of the atmosphere and his skin crackles faintly with energy. It's elating to sense the molecules slide against one another as he slowly unravels the clouds above him. A slight breeze ruffles his hair as he wills it to remove some of what he has done in the most natural way possible.

This is settling. This he knows. He can bend the elements to his will and has command of something in his life for a moment.

The subtle shaking in his hands stops after a while.

Thor takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. Yes, it has been a few hours since the encounter and he finally feels ready to venture back into the tower, but a sudden image of Steve's anguished face and the imagined accusations of the others freezes him to the spot as he tries to stand. He cannot provide them with the true answers they will seek and any other other excuse besides what he told Steve and Clint will sound false. He will have to lie again.

He will use what he has seen and what he has learned to fool them all. He has to fool himself.

_Leave it until dawn._

Thor curls his leg back under him as he slides gracefully down onto his back so he can more fully observe the sky above him. He spends the remaining hours until day break creating and erasing clouds in the sky above the city and sustaining a fierce storm off the coast hundreds of miles away. They are opposing just as he is.

* * *

9am rolls around and Thor can put it off no longer. He can instinctually feel that the others are waiting for his return and what would be the point in delaying the moment more than he already has? Standing up from his prone position on the rooftop, he swings his hammer and takes off for the tower.

The confrontation he dreads approaches much too quickly as Thor arrives on the communal floor to find all but Steve seated at the table eating breakfast. Their lingering is just as false as the tales Thor knows he's about to spin.

"Needed a little fresh air?" Tony inquires casually. His tone belies the sharpness in his eyes and Thor just barely manages not flinching at the harmless words.

"Yes," Thor answers simply.  _Say as little as possible_.

"Needed a little fresh air from  _Steve_?"

Thor suppresses a sigh. "Say what you mean plainly Stark." If he sounds a bit short with his friend Thor doesn't care. It's certainly the nicest and most honest action he is about to take.

Thor is aware that the rest of the team is alert and paying close attention to this exchange though Clint looks especially tense in the chair he occupies at Natasha's side.

"You've called it quits with the Captain."

Thor nods, but says nothing.

Tony looks properly irritated. "Care to elaborate as to why? You two are high school sweetheart, nausea inducing, head over heels in love with one another. I'm the king of cold feet, but I can safely assure you that you two can get right back into it if you'd try."

"No Tony, it is unfair to both of us to try."

"Seriously?" Clint says in exasperation. Thor shoots Clint a look of warning.

"Fucking…it's just all very hard to believe though I believe you." Clint looks exceedingly cross for a moment before the outright display fades from his face. "You can't just give me Steve though. He's not an object you can just pass around."

"No, he is not and I did not. I simply asked if you would take care of him. That does not imply I was giving him to you. But if I were…it does make sense though, does it not? You did look after him while I was gone." The last sentence is hurled at Clint with biting intent and he immediately grimaces at his lack of control. If Thor did not already know, Tony's look of disapproving amazement tells Thor all he needs to know. He is allowed to be angry at himself and hurt, but it is not proper to say such scathing remarks out of spite for himself and this mess. "I am sorry Clint. That was uncalled for and unkind. You were looking after Steve's well-being which I must insist is what I am doing now." Clint looks put out, thoroughly chastened, and somehow grateful all at the same time. Thor does not understand it.

"You are lying to us. I don't like it and I don't understand why," Tony says bringing the conversation back to the original point. "You cannot actually tell me, and this is amazing that I'm doing this because who have you people turned me into? I meddle in things but I'm no fixer. In fact I tend to make things worse. I'm not-,"

"Tony," Bruce says softly and Thor is silently grateful that Bruce cut him off from the dark road he was about to traipse down. He understands Tony's wild insecurities despite his genius and demonstration of the good person that he most definitely is. He wishes to comfort the metal man and sooth some of those anxieties, but Thor is very aware he in incapable of providing comfort and being the other Thor he does not know and does not wish to understand at the same time. His words would be cheap and merely a parody of comfort at best. Tony does not deserve that.

_Steve does not deserve this._

"Ah," Tony clears his throat and looks somewhat startled. "Point is, you cannot look me in the eye and tell me you don't love and never did love Steve. I'm not stupid though this isn't necessarily one of my strong points." Thor sees Natasha nod once in his periphery.

_Loki help me._

Thor had never been the best liar and it was always to his chagrin and awe that Loki had such a tongue that could spin such believable tales without, it seems, even a second thought.

Thor prays watching his brother spin his web of innocuous lies over the years has taught him something, that looking his father in the eye and spinning his own yarn is enough to end this now. He is not sure how many times he can say this with conviction before he cracks.

_Loki you hate me now, but help me one last time dear brother._

Thor's gaze is steady as he gives Tony what he wants. "I cared for Steve, yes." Thor resists fidgeting and pausing for too long. "Steve is my friend and I liked the companionship. I am a naturally, as you say, flirtatious person and it may have come across as love on your part, but it was nothing more than a strong bond between friends for me. It is clear to me now that Steve did not see it as such, but I did not love him and I do not love him now."

The silence after his final word is deafening to Thor and he can feel his heart thudding quickly in his chest, but he keeps his breathing even. He knows he has to sell this completely unbelievable lie.

The hush continues and if not for a brief flicker of Bruce's eyes Thor would not have even known Steve was behind him before he speaks.

"Is that true?" Steve asks. His voice sounds choked.

Thor turns around and hopes he can hold this neutrality toward the person he wishes he could take into his arms right now to banish that tightness from his voice.

"Yes." The rest of his reply gets caught in his throat before he can say any more.

"You don't love me?"

"No."

"You never did?"

"No." There is a special place in the hell Steve believes in for him if he were to go there, Thor is sure.

"I love  _you_ ," Steve whispers while staring plaintively into Thor's eyes.

Thor is thankful that despair is the appropriate emotion to display at this confession. "I am sorry. I would never wish unrequited love on someone. I care, but just not in the way you wish. I…am sorry," Thor finishes lamely. He can imagine, as he clenches his fist at his side, that he is crushing Steve's heart in his palm. The blood scalds him as it seeps out between his fingers.

Thor did not know what to expect of this encounter, but Steve's perfect blankness after looking so sad not even a moment ago and the utter dead quiet behind him unhinges the control Thor needs.

"I will go. This is…unfortunate," Thor murmurs as he brushes past Steve. He's scrambling to pull the threads of his power to him and to hold his tears at bay while looking as casual as possible. Once in the stairwell he bounds down the steps at a break neck speed, the hurt and the accusation nipping at his heels as he bolts out the door and into the beautiful day beyond.

Three times in less than 48 hours he has ran toward and away from what he wants.

He's disgusted with himself.

When had he become such a coward?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so bad that I've been away for so long, but I've been travelling. Finally I'm back in business however and I hope you enjoy this next chapter.
> 
> Italics are a memory.

Despite all his other duties, Odin's eldest son (Loki would always be his son even if he did not think it so) has been on his mind as of late. Though he wishes to be convinced of Thor's truthfulness, his years make him wary of his potential duplicity. Thor has learned much from Midgardians, but he is still a boy in many ways and it would be of no surprise if he would truly act against his wishes in something Thor himself thinks is an area with which the Allfather should not concern himself. This unease brings about thoughts of one of the last times Odin was with his son before he left.

_Odin was dismayed to observe his son in such a state. He was pale, and bandages stained light pink were visible with the loose fitting robes Thor had draped over his body. It was not befitting of a prince, but Odin allowed it with his concern over his health. His son was proud and strong, but at the moment he looked so young and in need of protection. It hurt him to see him so._

" _I am glad you are able to move about again, my son."_

_Thor gives a slight bow and grimaces. "Thank you father."_

_Odin frowned. Thor's voice was gravelly and had a quality of such exhaustion not only of body, but of mind, that Odin felt a surge of panic in his chest. He had been much closer to losing Thor than he ever would have liked and seeing him moving about and speaking as if he were a ghost of himself frightened Odin more than he cared to admit._

_With hardly a delay Thor spoke again_. " _If you would allow it I wish to return to Midgard," he stated bluntly and Odin barely restrained a scowl as his concern gave way to annoyance. Midgard was all he ever seemed to think of and while it sounded a noble notion to those that did not know to return to a realm so defenseless compared to the rest, Odin knew better. There were those there that would inadvertently push Thor from his path even if they did not intend it._

" _Again with this Thor? I thought I had made myself clear."_

_A spark of the son Odin knew so well crept into Thor's eyes as he replied. "I am aware, but I swore to protect the realm from harm."_

" _We have gone over this before. There—"_

" _I only wish to fulfill my duty and nothing more," Thor all but growled. His eyes were steely and he gingerly held onto his side as Odin knew he willed him to believe his claims as he had done many times before. Odin stared at his son with intent. He did not take kindly to being lied to, but for the first time since this had all begun Odin was surprised to find that he believed Thor._

" _You do not—"_

" _I do not and have not for a while as I have told you. I will not change my mind once I enter the realm again." Thor's attitude had irked Odin but he let it slide because Thor seemed so bored of this rehashing. "I do not know why you insist on this conversation again."_

" _You would do well to show respect in my court, my son," Odin responded._

" _I am in pain. Forgive me if I do not hold my tongue well," Thor hissed lowly. If not for the lack of guards directly in the room Odin would reprimand him more for his language, but Thor had always been the worst injured warrior he had ever known. Perhaps returning to Midgard would be good for him. There was nothing for him here at the moment and now that he seemed to have rid himself of that pesky Midgardian…_

" _I will allow you to return to Midgard to protect that realm as you said." Odin watched Thor visibly sag as the ire drained from his body though his eyes were still alight with barely disguised irritation though Odin knew not with what he was irritated exactly. "You will not travel until you are more fully healed however."_

" _Of course," Thor replied simply. "If it is alright I will excuse myself. I am tired."_

_Odin had only nodded before Thor gave a pained bow and slowly departed the throne room to leave Odin to his thoughts._

Odin gives a shake of his head to clear the memory from his mind. Thor had seemed so sincere in the moment, but pain had always made Thor harder to read and now Odin is questioning his judgment.

With a huff of frustration, the Allfather stares out across his kingdom while he considers this potential error. It is not long before he realizes he is too unsure and this is what spurs Odin to visit Heimdall.

The walk down to the bifrost is longer than it normally feels, but soon enough he can see Heimdall's imposing figure overseeing the near complete reconstruction of the bifrost and the health of the nine realms. All has not been pleasant as of late and it is of much importance that the bifrost is complete as soon as it is feasible.

"Heimdall," Odin calls as he approaches the imposing man. Heimdall quickly turns his gaze on the king and Odin suppresses that odd disquiet that always passes through his body when Heimdall focuses his full attention on his figure. The man has an unusual gift and it is certainly a force to be aware of although he is sure of Heimdall's loyalty.

"What is it you require of me my king?" he questions.

Odin favors him with a small smile of fond annoyance because, as always, Heimdall is being oddly obtuse. People accuse him of being too stoic, but there is more mirth and humor here than most will ever see.

The corners of Heimdall's lips twitch as Odin responds. "You know what I seek. How is Thor?"

Odin waits as he watches Heimdall turn his eyes from him and consider this inquiry with none of what he may be thinking crossing his features. "Thor's life is difficult my king. Actions committed in Asgard have made adjustment back into the Avengers rather unfortunate."

Odin resists becoming ornery with the other Asgardian as he subtly presents his negative opinion of the last few years. Almost nothing escapes Heimdall's sight though in this case he would have preferred it had. It is of no use to Odin to be diplomatic about all of this if Heimdall will not be also.

"He has not engaged with this Captain Rogers again?"

"Of course not, my king. He had told you he would not before he left," he answered as his weighty gaze fell upon Odin once again. His face is as inscrutable as it always has been and while Odin believes him and would trust him entirely with everything if need be, he knows Heimdall always had a soft spot for his sons.

"Is he lonely?" Odin asks outright and Heimdall raises his brows in surprise which is as much of a reaction as he has seen from the Asgardian in a long while.

"Yes. The difference between our idea of time and theirs has made it challenging for them to understand the changes within Thor. For the moment relationships are strained," he says plainly.

Odin makes a noncommittal noise in his throat as he mulls over the situation. He would prefer his son not suffer if there are ways to prevent it...and suddenly inspiration strikes the Allfather.

He addresses Heimdall once again. "You will inform me if the situation with Captain Rogers changes? They cannot be as they were."

"Yes, my king."

Odin gives Heimdall a brief smile. "Do not worry. Thor will not have to suffer needlessly for too much longer," he states as he turns away. He can feel Heimdall's gaze on him as he makes his way back to his quarters to share the idea with Frigga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a bit of an explanation as to what is going on, but don't fret it will get more fully fleshed out as the story goes on. 
> 
> Next up is Steve and Clint!


	16. Chapter 16

Steve loves spending time at the MOMA no matter how many times he does it. It's a passion of his most wouldn't suspect, but it's dear to his heart. Bursting with energy and a desire to share, the first person Steve spots when he comes back from the museum that day is Natasha. He's about to start off on a tirade about his excitement when she turns to face him. He can tell immediately that she's not having a good day. Oh, he knows she'll listen either way, but he doesn't want to bother her when whatever has gone sour has made her so tense though her face doesn't give away much. Instead as he approaches her and she says hi he says hello too, takes some water from the refrigerator, and leaves her to it.

As Steve goes back to his floor, he wants to talk to the others but Clint's on a mission and no doubt Tony and Bruce are too deep into science to pay him any mind at the moment. Steve exhales softly. It's at a time like this that Steve misses Thor the most. It's not to say he is not around, but more that Thor avoids one on one with him. Steve cannot decide if having his heart broken by Thor or Thor trying his best to distance himself from him entirely hurts worse.

As he stands in his room and just looks at his drawings of the Asgardian on his desk, he wagers Thor not wanting to be around him at all is worse and he feels crazy for it. Two years Thor was gone and though he is plenty good friends with the others, he'd dare say they are all close friends now, there is nothing that can replace a best friend. Bucky was his in his former life (that's what it seems like at this point) and Thor was,  _is_ , his in this one, no matter what happens.

Except…

Steve plops into a chair and scrubs a hand over his face.

Except now, from his view, it seems Thor can barely stand to be in the same room as him. Perhaps, he thinks, that's what makes his soul ache (if it isn't his soul he doesn't know what it is). Steve can stand to lose the one he's in love with no matter how the loneliness tears at him at night, but he can't lose the man he loves too. To lose a partner is excruciating, but to lose a partner and best friend is unbearable.

This must be what possesses him to seek Thor out in the gym barely three weeks since the other had ended their relationship and said he didn't love him. Steve likes to pretend his stomach doesn't drop a bit every time he thinks of that.

When he enters the gym Thor is doing squats with a reinforced bar designed by Tony, but it's so heavily loaded that it bows from the weight. Sweat drips down the expanse of his back and Steve knows Thor is pushing himself hard. This is not the first time either if he's to believe what Natasha and Bruce had told him the other day, despite the shame in wanting to ask about the man who had so recently broken his heart. He just had to know what he was doing if they were to be around each other and yet not the way they once were.

Time passes and Steve knows he cannot stand there forever watching Thor silently, but this is the most relaxed he's been with him in the room. He loathes breaking the comfortable atmosphere he feels but he soon presses on.

"Hello Thor," Steve says quietly from across the room. Thor can hear him, he's sure, as the god told him once his hearing is much more sensitive than the average human.

Steve pretends he doesn't see Thor quickly tense up before relaxing.

"Hello Captain," he answers. He's always Captain now and he is always horribly polite. It's like they do not even know each other.

A silence descends between the two again and this time Steve isn't sure he wants to break it with this desperate attempt to keep at least one thing he cherishes.

"Listen," Steve says as he pushes off the wall and makes his way closer to Thor. "I know things have been strained between us." The man in front of him continues his squats but Steve can tell he's listening. "But you're my best friend and I would hate to lose everything we had. Could we just…" Steve's glad Thor is not facing him so he can wring his hands just once with anxiety. That's all he'll allow himself before pressing on. "Can we…would you like to watch a movie with me tonight? I want us to get back to normal, to be friends again like we were." Steve's at once sure Thor is going to say no, he's incredibly stubborn and uncomfortable so there's no way to imagine his answer being yes. "It'll be good for the team," he throws in quickly. If nothing else Thor is loyal.

Steve almost laughs aloud when he can recognize Thor let out a slow breath of annoyance and exhaustion. It's a tragic comedy that he knows Thor so well and maybe all for nothing.

"I accept your invitation," Thor finally responds as he finishes one last squat and lowers the bar to the floor. It's so heavy Steve can feel the slight tremor in the floor even though it's reinforced in the same way the bar is.

"Great," Steve says with false brightness. One of them has to pretend this is less of a forced labor than it actually is.

"What time would you like for me to arrive? We are to watch on your floor, yes?" Steve can appreciate the irony in that statement as his floor used to be Thor's floor.

"Yes and does 8 suit you? I have a movie in mind if that's alright?" This conversation is so forced it makes Steve cringe, but when Thor turns to face him sweat glistening off the well-built planes of his muscles and the hair not tied back slightly matted to his face Steve finds it difficult not to be… tries not to be interested and it startles him to realize, and how he didn't see it before he does not know, that any evidence of those horrific claw marks have completely faded from Thor's skin. He's entirely perfect.

Steve forces his eyes back to Thor's face and he sees him arch an eyebrow, a glimmer of amusement in his blue eyes.

"Yes?" Steve questions. He cannot fathom why Thor looks amused after all that uncomfortable conversation.

"I simply inquired as to what movie we are to watch but as of yet I have not received an answer," Thor said with a slight upturn to his lips.

Steve hates it, but he can feel a deep flush on his face before he responds. "Ah…well..."Steve clears his throat while his cheeks burn fiercely. "We are watching one of the Indiana Jones films. Tony says it's a must."

Thor only smiles in return. "See you at 8 then?" he asks cautiously.

"As you wish Captain," Thor responds and Steve's stomach drops.

_If only he would call me Steve again._

* * *

Thor's clear uneasiness with this whole night has set Steve even more on edge than he could have imagined. He cannot even focus on the movie, though it is good from what he has seen, as he subtly watches Thor's rigid form from the corner of his eye.

Steve had somehow forgotten, or chose to ignore, this is how everything started so long ago; movie night…that had brought them together. Steve had forgotten with the difficulty in finding a way to get in the same room with him and start to rebuild their relationship without too much pressure.

Steve had forgotten somehow (he wonders how as he clenches his fist), but clearly Thor has not.

"I'm sorry this was a terrible idea," Steve says suddenly with defeat clear in his voice.

"No, it is fine," Thor responds, but his tone is as stiff and formal as his posture.

Steve turns to stare at him openly now. Thor is just being obstinate. He is every ounce that stubborn prince he claims he had been but Steve had rarely, if ever, truly seen. Why couldn't he just admit this was not working? What's the point of forcing this anymore? What is the point? What was the point of all of it?

"If anyone should be uncomfortable here, it should be me!" Steve snaps in response. "Aren't I the one whose heart was ripped to shreds?" His cheeks are flushed and burning now, but for an entirely different reason than earlier in the day. Why is he acting like this is hard for him? If anything Thor should have reached out to him. It is so…frustrating to just lay yourself on the line and truly embrace something in this future for it all to go up in smoke. The one person, the one man he had embraced first and wholly into his life in this time, as it out turns out, means much less to him than the he means to Steve. It hurts…it's unbearable.

Thor gives his head a little shake and huffs lightly. His blue eyes that had once captivated Steve so, and for pete's sake, still do, are melancholy as they regard Steve in the low light and…Steve is instantly ashamed. His mother had taught him better. She had taught him how to treat those he loves no matter what and he's disgraced that memory.

"I apologize. That was unfair. I—," Steve starts but Thor holds up a hand to halt his speech and he's suddenly scared of what he might say.

"No, it is I who should apologize. You are entirely entitled to say what you did, do not doubt that. I deserve it Captain." Steve wilts a fraction under the formal name once more and leans heavily into the back of the couch. "I am being just as I once was," Thor says grimly and gives a short bark of dark laughter. "I am being insensitive and also difficult. This is where it was all started, was it not? I pursued you. I…" Steve watches Thor seem to shake off a thought. "Captain you are wonderful and I value our friendship considerably. I do not know why I am making this so difficult and I am sorry that I am selfish. I am still young yet though old by your standards. I have much to learn and I apologize."

Thor stares at him; he looks so regretful and chastened that Steve's heart aches for him which is insane. He's the only one with a broken heart here…isn't he?

"I will go," Thor whispers hoarsely and rises from the couch. If Steve had not been watching so intently he would have missed the look of hurt just riding under the surface of his eyes.

Steve knows something is wrong. He cannot fathom what but all of it is wrong.

Sitting in the empty room an hour later he wishes he could press himself into the couch hard enough so that he could become it.

He sighs.  _Might as well go to bed._

* * *

Clint grimaces as he stands in front of the door of the room that he's, for all intents and purposes,still sharing with Steve though he makes himself as scarce as possible. He doesn't even wonder why he's doing this, he knows on some level, but knowing and truly acknowledging it are totally different things and quite frankly, Clint doesn't want to acknowledge it. He opens the door.

On the bed face peaceful, sheet pulled to his waist lays Steve and Clint's heart does a flip. He ignores this as best he can and dresses for bed. Sometimes he's grateful the Helicarrier has showers because being around Steve, being in the shower just a door away from him, well, it gives him too much time to think.

Dressed in just his boxers and a loose fitting t-shirt he slides into bed, but almost jumps right back out when he sees Steve looking back at him.

"You're awake," he says lamely. The soldier very rarely surprises him like this, but when he does those blue eyes of his cast in the glow of the city always discombobulate him into stupidity.

"Good mission?" Steve questions.

"Good mission," Clint echoes and he shifts to lie on his side to face the other man. He can always tell when he wants to talk.

"This is—," Steve starts and Clint immediately doesn't want to hear it. He knows. He just knows.

"I'm—,"He cuts in, but Steve placing his hand over the one he has resting on the bed in front of him stops him cold.

"You know me well," Steve murmurs with a fond affection in his voice and eyes that makes Clint want to roll off the bed and run from the room. "I know you don't want to hear this and, heck, I don't want to say this, but we can't go on like this forever, can we?"

_Please._

The word bounces around his skull taunting him.

Steve looks away from him for a moment to stare at the ceiling before turning his gaze on him once again.

"To be quite frank, I've had a terrible day, but it made me realize something. No, not realize, it's making me  _do_  something. I don't know when I became a man of reaction, but I don't like it. I'm letting things happen to me, rather than doing things for me and it's not a feeling I'm accustomed to and I won't let it become normal for me."

Clint opens his mouth to object, but Steve shakes his head. "Thor was good for me though it may not look like it. When I got over my antiquated sensibilities as Tony says," Clint likes the amused smile on Steve's lips, "I was myself again. Thor, you all, made me a better version of me. Then Thor left and it broke me, but you snapped me back. He came back and it broke me, but this time I'm going to put me back together. But to do this we need to stop doing this to each other." The hand over Clint's squeezes gently around the tight fist Clint didn't even realize he was making. He inhales sharply and breathes out slowly.

Steve continues. "I don't know when exactly your…feelings for me changed, but I'm being selfish. I let you come here because I was lonely and I let you stay because it was comfortable, but comfortable doesn't make it right. I care for you, but not in the way that you want."

Clint tightens his fist further bones practically protesting at the sheer force of it. Steve in turn tightens his grip on his hand.

"I'm being horrible to you," Steve whispers solemnly. "I'm hurting you and I don't mean to." A strange interested looks passes over Steve's face and Clint wonders at that in a distant fashion.

"We," Clint croaks and he's dismayed at how rough his voice sounds.

"What?"

"We," he repeats. "I'm not being fair either."

"Clint—"

"No. I'm…," he can't say it. He doesn't know how to deal with his so he goes right for kill. "This is it, isn't it?" He doesn't say what it is, but he knows this is the last time they'll be sharing a bed.

Steve smiles sadly and shakes his head yes. He gives Clint's hand a firm squeeze and goes to pull it away, but Clint flips his hand palm up and laces his fingers between Steve's and holds on. Steve seems to twitch in surprise, but settles back down and returns Clint's firm grip.

"You are a good person and deserve better and more than I could give," Steve whispers and Clint shudders, heart thumping in his chest. Steve holds on tighter as they fall into silence.

Time passes and Clint can tell by Steve's even slow breathes that he's sound asleep like Clint wishes he were. Instead Clint gazes at their intertwined hands with absolute dread.

This is the first and the last time this will ever happen.

_I love him._

This is the first time he's ever admitted it., even to himself.

This is the last time he will ever be in this bed.

Clint closes his eyes, fingers stills laced with Steve's, and hopes it's all not so horrible in the morning.


End file.
